Being Unmarried in Asia

Korean stranger- "You beautiful! Big eyes, small face, high nose. Strong body. Married?"

Me- "Well thank you stranger. No I am not married."

Korean stranger- "WHY NOT? WHY NOT MARRIED"

my mind- "Well, after struggling with the idea of giving up my independence for many years, I entered into a series of disappointing relationships that ended in betrayal, verbal abuse, or all around disaster. This caused not only trust issues with members of the opposite sex, but also a strong fear of commitment. In my later years, I began to question the institution of marriage as a whole, seeing as how divorce rates are high, marriage opportunities are not universally equal, and the historic significance of marriage is typically misogynistic and objectifies women. Not only that, but to have a wedding in this day and age is extremely expensive, and due to the current economy and most people in my age bracket being unemployed or underemployed, it isn't a worthwhile expenditure at the time when most of my income goes towards paying off the crippling debt I incurred whilst earning a Bachelor's degree at one of the top universities in the nation. That degree, which I worked so hard for and will be paying off for at least the next 15 years, will be much better served in my ongoing quest for accomplishing my future career goals, as opposed to settling down with a boyfriend who's motives I doubt due to my aforementioned aversion to commitment, and then struggling to share finances during a time of economic depression. In fact, being only 25 years old, I feel as though I could work hard to ensure I am financially stable and independent before I need to tie the knot with someone."

Me- "Oh, I don't know. Maybe soon!"


DIRECTIONS: Listen and repeat at least 6 times a day.

Awkward Conversations

Some of you may be my friend on Facebook. If you are, you probably saw a recent status post regarding a certain Uzbek at my school. It was in the form of a hypothetical letter. For those of you who didn't see it, I shall copy that language here:

Dear Uzbek man who happens to be at my place of work today, 

While I was initially confused at your presence in my school, my confused stare was not an invitation for you to wait outside my classroom door, staring inside the window until you got my attention and I almost peed my pants from fear. Thank you for your attempt to speak Korean and broken English to me, asking how many children I have and when we can go to a restaurant together. While I am mildly intrigued about how you randomly showed up here, my interest is not piqued enough to continue this horrendously awkward conversation where you keep telling me you like my face and spelling out "LOVE" in the air and pointing at me. At this point, I am compelled to make up a "Hey I Just met you, and this is crazy.." joke...but it would surely go over your head, leaving me further disappointed and unwilling to mime my way through explanation of said joke.

Anyways, thanks for the memories. I am sure I will see you on the staircase again soon.

Until We Meet Again,

Annie G.

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated occurrence. Time and time again in my travels, I experience similar situations of awkward smiling and nodding and broken pick up lines. Here in Korea, it has been particularly frequent. You see, often times, especially in areas where cultural diversity is severely lacking, people see someone who doesn't look like the rest of the crowd and think it is an open invitation for strained conversation and unwelcome come-ons. It often occurs here with older Korean men, and/or with people who have not-so-subtle ulterior-motives to simply try and learn English. However, it also happens with other foreigners who see a not-so-familiar face in hopes that our unspoken connection as "Waygookins" can bridge the glaring language barrier. 

ABP- it doesn't. 

I wish I could organize a conference with all of these awkward-conversation offenders and explain. Look, I get it. I have big eyes. You are shocked that you find me attractive despite the fact that I am fat. You think my smile is cute, but you hate America. You immediately must ask my marital status and when we can go out. But the thing is, and you may find this shocking, but I do NOT actually want to go on a date with you. This is not me being egotistical, because I am egotistical and I will be the first one to admit when I enjoy basking in the glory of unsolicited compliments. 

You see, I would prefer to not have a meal with a complete stranger who spends the whole time in an elaborate game of "backhanded compliments" charades. The fact of the matter is, by the time you have finished asking when we can go to dinner, we have already completed all of the conversation potential we have. That's it. We are done. It has been fun, but I don't want to willingly enter into a situation that would require at least an hour of uncomfortable giggling, painful silences, and pointing to random objects and saying their names in English. Inevitably I will just end up calling my best friend, Alcohol, and will end up saying horrendously offensive things to your misunderstanding face anyways, and no one really wants that. 

So, people of the world, don't be mistaken by my quizzical stares, my perfect camera ready smile, my laugh-track worthy conversation, and my general kindness...because despite all of this...I am, in fact, a raging bitch and I do not want to spend time with you.

For those of you unsure of where Uzbekistan is, it is a former Soviet Union Nation located in central Asia...also...it's 2013...get a map you pinheads. 

Until we meet again....

Annie G.