Well, My time in Turkey is coming to a screeching halt. I have enjoyed my time here thoroughly, and have had some great experiences. Most of these experiences would be nothing without the wonderful, and not so wonderful, people I have encountered here in my journey.
Needless to say, I have met a vast amount of Turks here in my stay. Some of these people were fantastic specimens of human life. They were kind, gracious and fun. Some of them…were not. And while we met new people every day here, god knows we didn’t remember ANYONE’s name, so…we improvised. So, as my final Turkey blog post, I would like to present to all of you, a piece called:
“Turks, the faces behind the nicknames”
Warning: This blog post will be a doozy..but well worth it
Let us begin this journey where the nicknames began. After about three days of work, we began to meet the students. Seeing as how there were hundreds of them and only 7 of us, we were absolutely going to need some sort of classification system.
One day a large group of students came up to us and were telling us that they were friends with the other natives. They told us their names, and said that the other natives had given them nicknames so that it was easier for them to remember. Without skipping a beat Warren said, “Well, then I’ll call you Scarface”. Scarface does not look like Tony Montana. Instead, he is a guy with a very noticeable scar running down his forehead. We told Warren that he is no longer allowed to give students nicknames based on their physical irregularities. At least not nicknames that you call them to their faces.
One of the other students to approach us that day was “Turk-a-loo-hoo,” so named because he looks like a Dr. Seuss character. Turk-a-loo is actually a rare, elusive species, hardly ever seen in the wild. We made Turk-a-loo’s acquaintance when he came up to us, pointed to Jamar, and said “You, basketball?”; while making a circular motion in front of his face, suggesting that since Jamar is black that he would enjoy basketball. To this day, Turk-a-loo speaks the same amount of English that he spoke the day we met him. He has also become something of a legend in our eyes, as every day we continued to be more intrigued with him, we created him as the center of an alternate world….and often wondered what his reaction would be if he found out about our strange obsession with him.
Soon enough we had made a solid base of students, including one that particularly struck Mackenzie’s fancy, who needs no name, for he was only referred to as “Mackenzie’s Boy.” After a torrid love affair, that culminated in an extremely awkward love confession, Mackenzie deemed this boy unworthy of her heart, and thus a change in nickname was necessary. Due to his horrendous posture, I felt that “Parenthesis” was the only suitable alternative.
Amidst watching Mackenzie and her respective Boy’s flirtation, a parasite walked over to us and began conversation. This parasite would proved to be the hardest Turk to burn a bridge with. He was a native groupie, and though his name is pronounced “Koo-Tye” the only acceptable name he could be dealt was, in fact, Cootie. Cootie was responsible for loss of our beloved phone, the loss of our desire to befriend Turkish men, and most of all, the loss of our dignity and integrity. Twas Cootie that introduced us to the infamous characters of Lug-nut and Flip, the clowns that got really drunk in our abode, confessed multiple love obsessions, and then puked (or who knows what) all over our bathroom and tried to clean it up with their boxers; needless to say, they were but a brief cameo in the screening of “Destination Turkey.”
Also in the Cootie posse is Green Pants, Biohazard, James Dean and Scarf guy. One night, we were graced with the presence of Cootie, Green Pants (exactly what it sounds like), Biohazard (A man with a look in his eye that just screams “I have diseases you haven’t even HEARD of) and scarf guy (the poor innocent bystander who’s life I have forever scarred). So these cartoons came over, and we decided to teach them some good ol’ fashioned American drinking games, of which they were quite amused. After a game of kings, I felt that I needed to exert more power over these tools, thus I suggested a game of Asshole (a hierarchy card game that allows the winner, or president, to command the rest of the players to do their bidding.) It was in this game, that I won president, and made green pants take shots and not stop dancing with a pink carnation between his teeth, Cootie to dance with green pants, and poor scarf kid had to dress up in my clothing…. poor thing. James Dean, though absent for this wild night, is a permanently leather-jacket clad being, with an attitude that would make even Narcissus wonder what the hell he was looking at.
Another odd component of life here in Turkey is the emphasis put on internet relationships, notably facebook. Perhaps some of you may recall in the early days of internet communication, when it was mildly appropriate to speak with people you barely knew or talked to in the real world? Oh those were the days, and fortunately most of us have grown out of those awkward aim chats …that is, most of us in the United States…
Here in Turkey you are playing a whole new ball game on the internet, a game with no rules, no boundaries, no referee calls or general game moral codes. When you sign on to facebook, all bets are off, and truthfully, anything can happen. Without naming names, we have had students ask us such things as “Have you ever been kissed? Will you be my first kiss? I am a virgin, will you take my virginity?” and other such inappropriate queries. The beauty of the Turkish facebook chat is that the next day, when you inevitable see the facebook offender wandering the halls of TOBB, they act like they have never seen you before in your life, even if they had told you their life story the night before.
Luckily, I have managed to collect some internet buddies over this period of time, and I will explain to you their importance and contribution to my life. First off, we have The Note Passer. The first class I taught involved picking a question from a bag at random and then having the student answer said question. Simple enough.. what really could go wrong? Well, I approached one student, with the bag in hand, when I was caught by surprise as he handed me a question of his own. The questions I had been handing out were things such as “If you could be any animal, what would you be?” or “Would you rather be a vampire or a zombie?” Thus, I was unprepared when I was asked “Do you think it is necessary for a tear to fall from your eye in order to cry?” Thus was the beginning of my relationship with The Note Passer. Fast forward past numerous awkward conversations and internet chats on facebook later, and it was revealed that my darling Note Passer was going through a break up with Miss Note Passer, and proceeded to ask my opinion on such a relationship…constantly.
Next up we have the Promiser. The Promiser would talk to me nightly on facebook, however would never even look in my direction during class or generally school hours. Yet late into the evening, he would volunteer to give me music, movies, and TV shows on mp3 format, or volunteer to show me certain places in Ankara. Much to my chagrin, these were all very empty promises, as a general face-to-face conversation never came into fruition.
Another facebook buddy is Turker… his actual name in fact…who would consistently message us with boring and dull conversation every single time we were online. We all collectively asked him once why he messaged us all the time but refused to talk in class or person. “I shy” was the only response we gained. After we noticed him messaging us from across the room downstairs, and he confessed his love to Julia, we decided to put the kibosh on Turkers convos.
One of my personal favorites had to be American football player. A larger guy, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and an all around American football player look (hence the name) would also be one to contact me from time to time online. Generally, all the Turkish student online conversations had a format of: greeting hello, asking if we had boyfriends, and then delving into the ups and downs of their personal history. American football player recently moved out of his house into an apartment. After boasting about his interior decorating skills, he insisted emailing me photos of his frat-boy looking apartment. I’m going to go out on a limb on this one, and say he would fit in in the states just fine.
At one point in time, I was in serious guitar withdrawal, so I decided to buy a cheap little acoustic just to practice on. I saw one of the students, The intriguer, playing guitar and asked him advice on a purchase. Needless to say, we were both intrigued by the idea, and he said he would bring me and Will to find a guitar. He continuously gave me bad advice on purchasing and playing guitars, even after I had told him I have been playing since I was a freshman in high school. Over and over he insisted that once my skills were up to date, I could play with him and his friends…all of whom have been learning for the past 2 months. Intriguing…
Most importantly, we have Orlando Bloom. Oddly enough he doesn’t look much like the celebrity, however this didn’t seem to occur to us until after we had named him. This is in large part due to the fact that we were consistently distracted by his beautiful long golden brown hair, which seemed to hypnotize me every time he came into a room wearing a 80s rock band t-shirt. He became a regular on our daily list of nicknames to spot, and provided hours of entertainment and crazy hypothetical situations for us girls, even though we have all barely spoke to him
One of my favorites is Turkey Brown. Let me map out why his nickname is as such. Turkey Brown has a particularly round head, almost perfectly spherical in fact. Similar to Charlie Brown. However, being Turkish, we had to call him Turkey Brown, the little round headed turk. Turkey brown has a penchant for board shorts and hair product, and has a particular dancing style that I find all too amazing.
Many of the men that we encountered here in Turkey were undeserving of separate identities, and therefore were only referred to under the broad category of people known as Hyenas. Hyenas are men whose hair is so spikey and gelled up they wouldn’t be allowed to bring their style on an airplane. They usually have their shirts half unbuttoned to reveal their shiny and thick chest hair. They often catcall or attempt to speak English in our presence , thinking that is the way to capture an american girls heart. In short, they are scumbags.
We also have:
Trabzon boy, an obnoxious young lad obsessed with his hometown,
Turkish Zach, a student who bears a striking resemblance to our American coworker,
Turkish Roomate, a student who looks just like Jessica, who I lived with last year,
Cousin, a nickname applied to a variety of people who bear similarities to one of our cousins,
Pinky, a gym regular who always obnoxiously dances off beat,
Creepy bus man, the attendant who attempted to cuddle with me on the way back from Antalya
Houdini, one of my favorite bartenders who looks like a magician
German guy, a Turk who spoke german
Russian guy, a Turk who spoke Russian
Teacher, a cute student who attempted to teach us Turkish
Old guy, a 30 year old student who would take pictures of my creepily during class
Tanner, Jamars mispronunciation of our supervisors name
Rattail, a young waitor with a secret desire to be Mackenzie’s one and only
Owl , a boy resembling the winged night creature
Red Panda, a boy resembling the fuzzy mammal
Mr. A, the code name for Ataturk
The twins, the 2 twenty something male students often spotted wearing matching outfits
“Boyfriend”. a man convinced him and Julia were in a relationship, regardless of the fact they had no common language
“Aereola,” technically his name was Ali Ola, and he was a waitor who made Julia nervous and caused many tea spills
And also
The Kings of Ankara, some of our favorite wild students, one of whom bared a strong resemblance to Little Critter
This is merely half of the cast of characters we have encountered here. Some people had bit parts, while others had supporting roles, and everyone contributed to the bizarre madness we encountered here. Luckily, the group that we came with, Warren, Jamar, Mackenzie, Zach, Will and Julia made the entire trip worth while, for even when the strangest of people fell into our lives, we could all fall back on each other.
Last night, a bartender asked if I would be coming back to Turkey next year. I responded with the popular phrase “Inshallah” which means god-willing. I would love to come back to Turkey again, it really is a great place. Obviously it has its ups and downs, and while I am sad to leave I am also excited to start my next adventure. I am meeting up with my little sister to explore Europe, and then spend some time in France. And while I am sure I will meet more great people in many other places, I always remember the great people I have at home. While I will make temporary friends and family abroad, It is the ones at home who are most important (even if they lose my pet snake…which I am still not happy about).
Thus is the end of Destination Turkey….Stay tuned for our next short film titled “Eurotrip: A France Trance”
PEACE!!!!
Annie G
Also- special thanks to Julia for her help in compiling the various nickname list….and going through all the weirdness as well
