An Asshole Abroad

Ok, so before I begin, if you haven't already gathered...I'm kind of an asshole.

If we are to divide my emotional output, I would say I am about 65% Asshole, 20% Wicked nice, and 15% indifferent towards my general interactions. As you can see, being an asshole usually trumps most of my interactions (see previous posts).

Additionally, I have previously noted my irrational pet peeves, however, there is one particular thing that I have experienced specifically in my travels abroad, and in Korea is occurs with an overwhelming frequency.

You see, around the world, everyone wants to learn English. Regardless if they hate the western world or not, English is a desired skill to obtain purely for their own selfish benefits or for the benefit of potential business and income. In a homogeneous culture such as Korea, I am an easily identifiable English Speaker, and thus, people assume that I wish to engage in meaningless conversation with them.

This is not a problem for those I work with or interact with on a daily basis. For example, my pharmacist, "Danny," speaks a bit of English, and I happily speak with him as he gives me drugs. The coffee shop people try their hand at a few comments about the weather and give me a free waffle. Everyone is happy.

Yet, a large segment of the population of randos that I encounter on my daily walkabouts see me and must misread my "headphones on and shut off from the rest of the world" look to mean "Hey, I would love to hear about what you bought at the store the other day stranger!" look.

Let me further explain. Almost every day, people I DON'T know, or BARELY know, try and have full on conversations with me in broken English about things I don't give a flying fuck about.

Mom sorry for saying fuck, but just brace yourself for this post, because I am an asshole.

So say I am in the middle of the desert. In my pocket is a bunch of flying fucks. Don't ask me specifically what these look like, perhaps they are merely 3D words with wings attached...I don't know use your imagination. Anyways, I have these fucks packed to the rim in my pocket-full-o-fucks, and I am happily skipping about the desert with my fucks happy as a clam.

All of a sudden, I reach a Korean stranger. This stranger is starving, perhaps thirsty, in a rough way. The only thing that could feed them and restore their health is a conversation about how Kimchi is the best food in the world, and just one small flying fuck from my cornucopia of fucks. 

Here I am, in the desert, at a crossroads of life, wondering if I should give a fuck to this stranger. I mean, oh well, it's just one right?

Nope, I skip away, cackling my evil cackle, giving from my bag of fucks to puppies and kitties I see along my way, but none to the strangers with nothing to say.

"Annie you are an awful human, it can't be that bad, what is 3 minutes to someone who is just interested about you and your life? You should be nicer, just take some time to talk about the weather or the trees or something and let them enjoy their day."

No.

For those of you with this mentality, you are either in your first 3 months in a foreign land, or you are rolling on happy pills, because that is not the way this works.

Every day I deal with these nonsense conversations, and the Korean language is very different from English, both syntactically and grammatically, so all the while during these conversations I have to puzzle piece together what they are trying to say, and after all that effort of trying to figure out their message, I realize I STILL don't care about whatever it is they are talking about. AND usually these repeat offenders just tell me the same things over and over.

Take for example this nice woman who smiled at me on the street one day. I see her almost daily, because she works near me. Typically she spots me on my morning commute, when I have my headphones on and am still trying to wake up. Most people would be able to gauge that I am in no mood to entertain these pointless talks...but not her. Now don't get me wrong, she is very nice, but she will sit next to me on the bus or train and interrupt my morning song rotation. Here is an example of our daily interaction.

Korean Lady -Herro
Me- Hi
Korean Lady ::::rapid fire korean::::
Me :::blank stare:::
Korean Lady- My english no good.
Me- My Korean is not good either.
Korean Lady :::rapid fire korean and struggling to think of English words::::
Me :::blank stare:::
Korean Lady- Today rain.
Me- Yup, it's definitely raining.
Korean Lady- My english no good,
Me- Mmm hmm.
Korean lady- Yesterday Homeplus.
Me- You went to homeplus yesterday?
Korean lady- yes.
Me- cool
Korean lady- sale on underwear.
Me- cool
Korean lady :::rapid fire korea:::;
Me- Sorry I gotta go...do...something...bye


EVERY DAY. If only they could read my internal dialogue. "Stop speaking to me in Korean, you know I don't speak in Korean. Ya I know it's raining, it sucks because I am going to work in the rain, you don't have to rub it in. Ya I know your English isn't good, trust me, I was able to pick up on that. You went to homeplus to buy underwear? What would make you think that is a conversation I would like to continue with you. Do you want me to ask you what kind of underwear you got? What colors? Because none of these follow up questions I could potentially ask you would help me care about this interaction any more. why can't we just half-heartedly acknowledge each others presence and then let me continue to stare out the window."

The fact of the matter is, the people who typically have these conversations with me don't actually care for me or want to know about me, they just see me as a walking textbook, someone they can just blindly practice their skills with. They think that I enjoy educating people, and will do it freely for anyone. They think if they speak to me for 5 minutes everyday, that they will somehow gain fluency in a language. They look to me as a free on the street tutor.

Sometimes they even try and masquerade as wanting a new friendship to further their skills. One time I was out at a restaurant with Chelsea and a man comes and sits next to us, spouting off the same useless shit about not knowing English etc. Then he says (or tries to) "We can get coffee and you can help me with my English and I will help you with Korean."

They think if they "befriend" us that free English lessons will ensue.

Our response...

"Ok, well we typically charge 30,000 won for half hour lessons, 50,000 for hour long sessions."

Blank stares ensue

"But we are friends, I can help you with Korean and you can help me with English"

"Oh I don't care about learning Korean. We are teachers so ya."

Never heard from again.


It becomes less of a conversation, than someone just talking at me. And at this point, my time is my money, and unless you are going to pay me for this conversation, then stop talking. No principal, I don't the English name for that tree...because I am not a damn botanist. No coteacher, I don't care if you think that mountain looks like a man lying down. No person on the street, I don't give a shit about if your sister's ex neighbor now lives in Alaska. And hey, if you still want to tell me I am a bad person after all this? Ya I don't really care about that either.

LoVe YoU BiAtChEz!!!!!


Annie G

Being Unmarried in Asia

Korean stranger- "You beautiful! Big eyes, small face, high nose. Strong body. Married?"

Me- "Well thank you stranger. No I am not married."

Korean stranger- "WHY NOT? WHY NOT MARRIED"

my mind- "Well, after struggling with the idea of giving up my independence for many years, I entered into a series of disappointing relationships that ended in betrayal, verbal abuse, or all around disaster. This caused not only trust issues with members of the opposite sex, but also a strong fear of commitment. In my later years, I began to question the institution of marriage as a whole, seeing as how divorce rates are high, marriage opportunities are not universally equal, and the historic significance of marriage is typically misogynistic and objectifies women. Not only that, but to have a wedding in this day and age is extremely expensive, and due to the current economy and most people in my age bracket being unemployed or underemployed, it isn't a worthwhile expenditure at the time when most of my income goes towards paying off the crippling debt I incurred whilst earning a Bachelor's degree at one of the top universities in the nation. That degree, which I worked so hard for and will be paying off for at least the next 15 years, will be much better served in my ongoing quest for accomplishing my future career goals, as opposed to settling down with a boyfriend who's motives I doubt due to my aforementioned aversion to commitment, and then struggling to share finances during a time of economic depression. In fact, being only 25 years old, I feel as though I could work hard to ensure I am financially stable and independent before I need to tie the knot with someone."

Me- "Oh, I don't know. Maybe soon!"


DIRECTIONS: Listen and repeat at least 6 times a day.

Walking down the street...

So anyone who knows me personally, knows that I have my...ahem...quirks. Let me give you some examples:

I hate when my ankles are touched without my permission.
If I see spines I get very nauseous and pass out.
I hate saying goodbye to someone and then having to walk in the same direction.
I prefer if people don't rub my skin the "wrong" way.
DON'T point at me if I don't know you and ESPECIALLY don't point your finger in my face.
I am a short person, so if you use me as an armrest prepare to die. It's not cute, it's not original, it's just a blatant display of douchebaggery.
I don't like it when people grab on to me and don't let go.
In general, if people try to pop my personal space bubble I get fairly perturbed.
Face-talkers...are...awful.

As you can gather, many of these quirks are related to my personal space. As my previous posts have discussed, this has been a constant source of trouble in my life here in Korea. Now I won't go into my issues with people pushing or shoving again, but I would like to tell you about the most frustrating and angering thing that has happened to me in the past 3 months...

And it all started while I was walking down the street...

3 of the 5 days of the work week, I walk to and from the train station to get my connecting transportation to my school. This is about a 3km walk each way, and as someone who enjoys the meditative nature of long walks, I look forward to this alone time.

On Monday, May 6th, I was enjoying my daily walk home. The sun was shining, the air was comfortably warm, and I had my ipod pumping through my headphones on shuffle, which is always a fun twist on my daily soundtrack. Now, because I have taken to walking an average of 10km each night (there's not a lot to do in this town) I have mastered the "walk and change music" technique on my ipod.

So there I am, jauntily walking down the street, when I felt the presence of someone walking behind me. This is a fairly common occurrence when strolling in a public place, and also, I understand that people can walk at a variety of paces. During a pass by on a narrow sidewalk, there is usually a few seconds of overlapping awkwardness where two strangers walk side by side and attempt to not acknowledge each other, and then, usually the passer, continues on their slightly faster pace and gains enough ground ahead to no longer be within the same walking realm of discomfort.

This particular pedestrian, knew not of these rules.

He appeared to be in highschool, probably 16 years old (although being Korean he could have likely been 28 or 11) and old enough to know better. I felt him approach me, and while I had my headphones in, I could hear his steps grow faster. His pace would soon overpower mine, and I braced myself for the inevitable takeover. Sure enough, he came up on my left and quickly pulled ahead of me.

Fine, I was prepared to deal with this, but then a most interesting thing happened. When he reached a point about 5 feet ahead of me, he abruptly stopped, appearing to change a song on his MP3 player. As a seasoned music changer, I continued my path, and did the ever-so-rare reclaim of my walking lead.

It was then that a strange thing occurred. This young man, having now assumed a position several feet behind me, briskly walked forward to pass me again. It was at that point, once he passed me for the second time, that he slowed down in pace once more, at one point stopping immediately in front of my path.

Needless to say, I found this mildly irritating, and thus, I continued my constant pace and walked by him once again. Him, upon noticing my lead, repeated his brisk walk to pass me once more, and then repeated his following action of then slowing down once in front of me.

By the 3rd round of this cat and mouse game, I was visibly annoyed. "Move Bitch" by Ludacris conveniently came on my Ipod, which I interpreted as an obvious sign from God. It is at this point that I began to exhibit a behavior common to foreigners in other countries, which is the audible cussing in English that you assume others do not understand.

Not even joking, this continued for 15 minutes, at which point I was now invested, and began to up my pace just so that kid wouldn't try to pass me again. Back and forth we went, silently trying to one-up the other in the sidewalk death match of the ages. Finally, he took his chance, and set off in a full sprint ahead of me.

He had won the battle, but he had not won the war, for in the end, even though he far surpassed me in distance, he will still have to battle with his constant struggle of complete social awkwardness for his remaining teenage years, and likely the rest of his life.

A life update

Hello everyone.

My sincerest apologies for yet another way overdue post. The thing about it is though, all drunken debauchery aside, life has been fairly boring lately. The winters here are dreary and bitterly cold, and while they don't last as long as a harsh New England winter, they are fairly uneventful. Not that I am using that as an excuse, I had all the time in the world to write something down, but why waste my time when there are so many cute pictures of cats on the internet to distract me!

The fact of the matter is that now the weather is warmer, and all of Korea has brightened spirits, no one more than myself. The new school year began in the beginning of March, where there was a major shift in all other teachers and principals, which was cool to have some fresh faces. Not so cool is the fact that none of my co-teachers now speak English (they are like my lifelines here) but I am making it work nonetheless.

Also strange, no one here seems to be even slightly concerned about North Korea, but I think that is an entirely different post all together.

Last weekend was St. Patrick's Day and my Birthday, which was just another example of starting off the night looking fly as hell, and ending the night looking like a trashy hooker who is addicted to Burger King. But that is also not surprising. And I met some Iraqi guy who claims to be Saddam Hussein's cousin. So ya...

The thing is, now that the weather is warming, a new sense of motivation and accomplishment is beginning to wash over me. I am finding that I am more ambitious (evident by this blog post) and just feel all around better.

What is also crazy is how fast a year can go by. This time in 2012, I was celebrating my birthday with my dear friend Melissa Kane. I was wasted by 11:30, passed out on the porch as my friends sang to me inside. Don't get me wrong, that night was hilarious, but it stuck out like a sore thumb.

A year ago, I was working 4 jobs, usually 80 hours a week and barely making ends meet. After getting laid off from the worst job of my life, I had to find a way to pay my mounting loan bills. I was doing anything I could to make a buck, I was depressed, I was overweight, I was going on dates with guys I didn't care about or even want to talk to. I was in the throws of a recent break up, and I felt like there was literally nothing I could do and no where I could go. I was an abuser, a user and an all around loser.

It's so strange to see pictures of me from 2011-the beginning of 2012. I almost can't recognize myself, and I can't believe I let myself go so much. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, and I still have my ups and downs, but hands down getting back on the travel wagon is what saved me.

But more so, I was able to realize that people you think you know really well, probably suck. And people you may not know as well, are awesome. In this past year, I have been able to appreciate the great family and friends I have, and how I would not be able to accomplish anything without their support.

So yes, there is no real funny stories or crazy antics I have gotten into as of late, but if you look at the big picture, I have been getting into trouble for 25 years, and the fact that I am still alive and going forward is cool enough :)


Also I think I'm going Bungee Jumping at the DMZ at the end of the month. Updates to come.

Love you all

G.


And here's some madness for you :)

Reflections on November: The month everyone fell in love and I reached enlightenment

So last month, everyone decided to fall in love.

And I'm talking EVERYONE!

One of my 4th graders proposed to his friend. A 5th grader started wearing matching heart pendants with his 4th grade girlfriend (ever so scandalous). Chris and Emma in the 1st grade are deeply in love, and they make each other cards and then beat each other up after lunch. The 6th grade is a complete cesspool of hormones and even the kindergartners have been caught holding hands.

Needless to say, love is in the air! It's quite adorable, and typically these young couples are well regarded by their classmates (whereas in elementary schools in the US, relationships are met with ridicule and rhyming songs). The crazy thing is, some of them are like really "in love" (I just said that like Daisy from "Rock of Love" BTW). I mean, I could really see some of them making it through the long haul, and in a time where even Danny Devito is getting a divorce, it's a bit refreshing to see everyone's heart-a-flutter.

Even us "adults" are finding love, as many of my friends have found themselves in relationships, or potential relationships, this month.

Perhaps it was due to our spiritual journey a few weeks back, when the Education office had the bright idea to send the motley crew of foreign teachers over to Tongdosa for a Buddhist temple retreat.

I for one was quite excited, as I have been studying Buddhism for some time now and was eager to learn more firsthand.

AND as luck would have it, the monk that was put in charge of us was a 20 something from Seattle, and was very willing and open to all of our questions.

That being said, through the chanting, meditation, 108 bows (ouch!) and formal meals, our group of delinquents were probably the most inappropriate bunch the temple as ever seen.

The fact that the first thing we talked about with the monk was how Washington recently legalized marijuana, I'm sure he soon realized that taking care of us was going to be akin to herding cats.

The boys urged the girls to try and seduce him, the girls joined the boys in a riveting game of "floor darts" (what we made up when we were supposed to have a quiet reflection time...basically you slide across the floor on meditation mats), all of us made a spectacle of ourselves during the morning mountain climb and during formal meal...

And I had to eat a fly.

During the formal meal, ALL food must be consumed. You have to eat everything you take, even using water to wash the bowls and drinking said water. Of course, as luck would have it, a fly fell into my soup. I had to quietly panic (as the whole meal was supposed to occur in silence) but I didn't know what to do. The Buddhists are vegetarians,  but also cannot leave extra food. Finally I turned to my friend Tim and showed him the dilemma in my spoon. "Eat it" he said, "You have to!"

And down the fly went.

Afterwards, we were contemplating if I had made the right choice, when my friend Anita asked the monk what the correct course of action had been. He said that I could have gone either way, but probably eating it was best, and less messy.

So ya, I ate an animal at a Buddhist temple. Oops.

All in all it was a great experience, I want to go again! But I think I will forever be too loud and obnoxious to reach complete enlightenment.

 They had us all looking sexy in the latest in Buddhist fashions.

PEACE!

Korean Winter and Avoiding Fan Death

Ahhh the first real snowfall of the season.

Today, before I had to educate my sixth grade class, we all noticed the beauty of the season's first snowfall as it gracefully glistened outside our school windows. We saw the flakes descend upon the mountain which stands directly behind my rural school. The children squealed with joy, as they all ran out after a lunch of flavored meat water soup, to gather snowballs and frolic in the wintery bliss. Such a lovely sight here in the Republic of Korea, as happy children enjoyed the weather and urged me to join them. "Teacha" they cried "snow barr pight!" I flashed back to the first snow fall when I was in Turkey and remembered how all the students and teachers giggled as we pelted each other with snowballs and laughed at the change of the seasons. I thought to recreate this moment in another country, but instead I glanced at them through the window from behind my desk, as I crouched behind a small space heater in my winter gear...

Because I was literally freezing my ass off...

You see, Koreans are very health conscious people, which is a great aspect of their society, with the exception of their viewpoints on temperature control. Walk into any Korean house in the cold, and they will be blaring their under-floor heating (exactly what it sounds like) and it's truly amazing. In the summer, the homes have full AirCon and people can rest from the sweltering heat in comfort. But the rules for school are different.

For some reason, the Korean ideas of air flow and ventilation rank higher in importance than the general well being of those contained inside of a building.

Today it is snowing, and negative 5 degrees Celsius (you can do the conversion back home) yet ALL of the windows and doors in my school are wide open. Teachers rarely put on the heat in their classrooms, and instead put one small space heater under the desk. This is particularly difficult when utilizing the lavoratory services, as every time i sit down to pee, my buttcheeks get frostbite.

Unfortunately my reluctance to urinate due to the fear of frigid porcelain, has caused me to hold it in for longer than I probably should. This, in turn, lead to a urinary tract infection. Due to a lack of communication and available medicine, this lead to a bladder infection. Due to a lack of ability to leave my bathroom or explain to a taxi driver that I needed to go the doctor, I had to be rescued my one of my Korean friends and her Mom after being stuck in my bathroom for over 3 hours. Due to miscommunications about my urinary issues, this lead to being unnecessary examined by several doctors. All of this factored into a particularly uncomfortable Wednesday  and also really adversely affected my health. Due to this uncomfortable Wednesday  I decided to overshare personal information on the interwebs and gave you readers no warning to what you would be reading about and now you all know way to much about my urinary system.

But don't blame me for this, blame Korea.

It's equally as puzzling in the summertime. The temperature outside is like a sauna, as it is very hot and humid. Yet schools are reluctant to turn on the air conditioner. Not to mention at night, there is the perpetual Korean fear of....Fan Death.

So for those of you who don't know what Fan Death is (and have not yet googled it) it is not fatalities occurred by screaming oreteens at a Justin Beiber concert. Worse...it's the idea that the majority of the country upholds, that if you sleep with a fan in your bedroom, that the fan somehow sucks up all of the good air in the room and thus causes suffocation, and in turn, death.

Note: No scientific evidence has ever backed up the credibility of Fan Death.

As mentioned before, Korea has the highest suicide rate in the world, yet this is not something often talked about. Frequently, if someone unfortunately decides to take their own life, the family, being too proud to admit it, will then blame the perils of Fan Death. Not only is this an awful way to avoid discussing a major national problem, but it also severely impacts treatment of temperature in the day to day.

So here I sit, cold, alone, and unable to pee freely. Perhaps Ebenezer Scrooge was actually an English Teacher in Korea...because if that was the case, then I completely understand his viewpoint.

Coffee in Korea

Coffee is a valuable resource that seems to be lacking in both quantity and quality here in Korea.

On an unrelated note...I am learning how to use the video editor on my IPad.

Things Koreans Like Part 1.

So in another series of postings, I will be investigating some of the various like of the general Korean populus. The list is long, and continues to grow, but I will be updating throughout my journey here in the Far East.

1) Kimchi.

For those of you unaware of Kimchi, it could also be known as the national pride of Korea. It is eaten at every meal, and constantly praised for its miraculous health benefits. Now for those of you unaware of what Kimchi actually is...it is fermented cabbage mixed with spices. It tastes like a soggy, spicy piece of garlic, and causes your breath to smell like the seventh layer of hell. One would think it would be easy to avoid such a food, but they want to shove it down your throat like its going out of style. They love to talk about all the good bacteria in it, and how it cures all these diseases and stuff. All I know, is that it is seriously reeking havoc on my breath. 


2) Driving like idiots.

I have LITERALLY seen someone driving full speed on the wrong side of the road here. They have no sense of right of way, they use their horns randomly and inappropriately, they ride the brakes, and stop for no reason. They will pull a u-turn in the middle of the street into oncoming traffic. They will ride with a family of 4 on a moped, with no helmets...I have seen a man driving a scooter while holding a baby...all helmet-less. I have thought my life would end in a taxi cab in numerous occasions now. There is no stopping for pedestrians at walkways, or stopping at red lights even. And when they do stop, they ALWAYS put the car in park and put the ebrake up. They always back into parking spaces. It is so bizarre. So the stereotypes about Asian drivers...they are ALL true.

3) Angry Birds and Hello Kitty.

There is a straight up OBSESSION with Angry Birds and Hello Kitty. Now, I was expecting the Hello Kitty...this being Asia and all... but the Angry Birds caught me for surprise. As far as copyright infringement goes...that's a whole other topic...but all I know is that the little birds and pigs are on EVERYTHING...socks, bags, clothes, bus cards, food, commercials...everything.

3) Relationships.

Relationships in Korea are the worst. I mean the worst. First off, the society is not focused around "sexiness" like the west is. In the west, Sexy sells...and people try and appear sexier to attract the opposite sex. Nay, Korea is the land of the Cute. Cute is what gets people going. Hair bows, soft giggling, headbands, t-shirts with puppies on it. And one of the cutest things a couple can do.....matching outfits. I kid you not, couplewear is all the rage here. the first time I saw it, I assumed it was accidental. It's not. It is on purpose. They wear matching outfits. Everyday. Down to the shoes. It's sickening.

4) Nonsensical T-Shirts

The current "in" style here in Korea is T-shirts with English phrases on it. This would be fine....if they could understand what they are wearing. I guess it all started my first weekend here, I was waiting outside the train station in Busan when I saw a young teenage girl with a t-shirt that said "Free Mustache Rides." The poor girl must have felt uncomfortable as I stood and laughed at her. Some other gems have been a teacher with a shirt reading "Bitch, Please" and the various "Boston Massachubatts" shirts I seem to see everywhere.

5) Spam

I am not talking about junk emails here. I mean spam, as in the mystery meat in the can. For a health-obsessed nation, this particular product seems a bit out of place. They love it tho. It's in everything, it is sold everywhere. They have Spam Gift packs for crying out sakes! I was told that during the Korean War, Korean people would eat rations sent in for the American Troops, thus introducing and injecting spam into local Korean dishes. They chow down on spam like its a filet mignon, and I don't have the heart to tell them that it is the official delicacy of trailer parks across the nation.

Keep an eye out for more to come.

Apologies for embodying the American steretype

Dear Miryang,

I'm sorry.

I know you may not have taken particular offense to my actions on Friday night, but I am aware that I made a spectacle of myself in your quiet and peaceful streets and family run establishments.

I am sorry for pounding beers and Soju shots at Coco Rico and making loud an inappropriate conversation as myself and the other foreigners sat on the patio deck.

I am sorry for blacking out as soon as we relocated to the interior of Coco Rico. The following apologies will be for what happened during that mysterious hour that I do not recall.

I am sorry for making my friends very uncomfortable by speaking French poorly and urging them to start chanting various exclamations with no success. I am sorry for consistently telling everyone how good looking they were and how wonderful we were because we all had nice teeth and good bone structure. It is unfortunate that I spoke loudly of my liberal political opinions and my desire to organize and host a beer olympics this summer. I am sorry for singling out the new friends I made by accusing them of being a part of a private Hagwon underground riddled with gambling, prostitution, violence and territory wars. My apologies for insisting that it is time to "mul" it, which is the Korean word for water, and was neither used or pronounced correctly.

I am also sorry to the people at Coco Rico. I am sorry for allowing my drunk self to interrupt your dining experience by practicing how to say hello in Korean and introducing myself. I am sorry to the staff for making them hug me and telling them how beautiful they were as we held hands to and from the bathroom.

Also, I am sorry that the song "call me maybe" is so good, and I felt the need to stand up and sing it loudly to the entire restaurant.

I am sorry for insisting upon a street photo shoot, and dragging it out due to an inability to focus. To the taxi driver who apparently took us to the singing room, I am sure that I was unruly in the backseat.

To the other people at the No Ray Bang, I am sorry for screaming Whitney Houston at the top of my lungs and insisting that Backstreet Boys and Gloria Gaynor were in fact, the music of our generation. I am sorry for standing and dancing on the furniture and playing the tambourine...which I am sure was not on beat. I am NOT sorry to the gross Korean man on the scooter outside who I had to push away on the street because he was being a complete jerk.

Also, I am sorry to my vocal chords, for ruining them. I am sorry to the toilet, for throwing up in it. I am sorry to my parents, for having to read about this. I am sorry to my friends who had to listen to my antics all night. I am sorry for being labeled the "american stereotype." And I am sorry for being so awesome and fun that the majority of Koreans don't know what to do.


Please forgive me Miryang, because I have a feeling that this will all happen again in due time.

Love always,

Annie G.

Ps. I am NOT sorry for my face in this picture...which is hilarious.

An insiders glimpse of Korea...part 2

If there is one thing I am already sure of here in Korea...

...it is IMPOSSIBLE to guess anyone's age here.

Maybe it's the obsession over sun protection. Or maybe Korean people just don't stop aging after 17, but I swear there is NO WAY of knowing how old anyone is...and it's almost frightening.

For example, today my adorable coworker Yong was helping me learn Korean (which, may I add, is as difficult as learning how to play piano from Helen Keller). I asked him how old he was. Now, by my standards, Yong doesn't look a day over 19, but knowing he is Korean and works with me, I figured a safe estimate was 25.

Homeboy is 35 years old.


Let me also preface this with the fact that Koreans count age slightly differently than we do back in the land of the red white and barbecue. Say you are born in November here in Korea, at the dawn of the new year, you are considered 1 year old. Then come the following November you turn 2. So most Koreans will quote you an age that is one year older than if we were going to ID them at a bar (which we surely would because they all look so young).

Koreans are very healthy people (excluding the chain smoking, public loogie hocking, and the hours spent playing video games in computer cafes). They are very active, constantly walking around and exercising. They eat healthy, and everything they do or say they will follow with the line "It is good for your hearth." They mean health. Sometimes l sounds can be vicious. Ask them to talk about their "whole body."

They are obsessed with shielding their skin from the sun. Not only do they appreciate the health benefits of not looking like a piece of leather, a la USA, but also, if your skin is darker than it indicates you likely work on a farm and are of a lower social ranking.

My guess is these minor obsessions, partnered with the apparent inability to grow body hair, is the reason for perplexing ages.

Another one of my teachers is 31, married with a daughter. Thought he was 20 at most.

One of the women teachers was a little older. I though maybe 40. She is 56.

It also makes me wonder about these old men and ladies I see walking the streets (and occasionally dumping in the streets....see glimpse part 1). How old are they?! If I think they are 70 then there is a good chance they are over 100.

Maybe it's all the gimchi, or maybe they are just doing something right that we are missing out on. I mean, I figured our culture of fried food and childhood obesity was on the right track...but perhaps we should take a step back and reassess our priorities in the west....and always ID a Korean because that shit is a mystery.


In an unrelated note, these are some of my second grade cronies. I made them dance to "Call me maybe" and "single ladies"....old habits die hard.

Hiking Mountains and Befriending Buddhist Monks

Poor Greg.

Greg is my 6'7" South African neighbor. He lives right next door to me, and within a month's time I am sure he is going to regret his living arrangements enormously.

Every day I knock on Greg's door with a new adventure. "Greg let's go to dinner! Greg let's go to the river! Greg let's go pound beers!"

Unfortunately for Greg, I am not asking if he wishes to partake in these activities with me, nay, I am demanding. Sometimes he tries to get out of things, "Not today Annie, I am going to sit and watch movies." Dear dear Greg, if only it was that easy to get out of such things!

So Saturday I knock on Greg's door and tell him that Daucy and I are going to climb the temple at 3:00. The temple is about a 5 minute walk from my door, and sits atop a mountain overlooking the Miryang River. Now, because we had spent Friday Night drinking, Greg was hesitant to do this, however after much peer pressure he obliged. We began a climb to the top, and found that we stumbled upon a major traditional ceremony up by the temple. There were Korean dancers, women wielding swords, singers, tae kwon do masters....basically it was rad.

We sat in the temple and watched, and because we are the obvious foreigners, we are just as entertaining for them. People talked with us, took pictures of us, and laughed with us. We continued up the mountain until we got to a big brick wall at the top. We passed a few crazy looking bugs and animals along the way.

"Greg are any of these bugs poisonous?"

"No Annie, there are not many things in Korea that can harm you...including the people."

Saturday night was another night of drinking in a dingy pool hall...and the next day I was ready for another adventure.

Rich from Minnesota told me of a decent hike a little ways down the road.

"Greg, Rich and I are going on another hike at 3 today."

Now what I didn't know is how seriously Koreans take their hiking. We are all dressed in regular clothes and sneakers, with a couple of bottles of water between us. All the Koreans on the mountain are dressed to the nines in visors, sunglasses, full body gear, visors, backpacks...etc.

After a grueling 2 hour hike up the mountain, we reached the summit, and saw the beautiful scenery of Milyang, and immediately forgot about all the mouthbreathing it took to get there. On the way down, we were "Anyong Ha-se-yo"ing everyone, riding on the high of our recent accomplishment, when all of a sudden we here an American voice.

"Hello How's it going."

We did a double take, and saw a Buddhist Monk, who we later will find out is originally from Fargo. He was very kind and told us the direction to go to his temple and get water. Once we arrived at the temple, we were greeted by a traditional Korean buddhist monk....on a Smartphone, which he handed to us. It was our friend from the mountain top! We told him our information and I gave him my email because I want to arrange a temple stay. The monk took us into a cave in the side of the temple, lit completely with lanterns and lights, and gave us bananas and pears. Then he took us to the top of the temple, where he served us Rose tea and nuts as we looked out the giant window to the Mountain.

We talked for a while, and then our friend called us back and invited us back for dinner later this week.

So lets be honest, there is a 90% chance I am going to accidentally become a buddhist at some point this year....and I am pumped!!!

Peace
Annie G.

An insiders glimpse of korea...part 1

OK so to get a better understanding of my everyday, I would like to share a series of cultural insights with you to better paint the picture.

It is hard to find where to begin, it is like living in a cartoon over here.

Currently, I do not have internet in my apartment. In fact, I type now surrounded by teenage boys playing hours of computer games in a PC room. I don't much mind that there is no internet, as it gives me time to focus on myself, listen to music, try and learn Korean, and other such impossible tasks.

If I walk outside my apartment door and lean out the window in the staircase, I can occassionally pick up a signal.

I am still adjusting my body the time difference here, and have been waking up a little bit early (which for any of you who know me, this is odd because I am surely NOT a morning person). Some times I walk down by the river, or near the temple where I can find some intense scenic views....



or



Beautiful right?


So yesterday morning I woke up to the sun shining through my window. The birds were chirping outside and the air was fresh. I sat up refreshed and ready for the day, thinking to myself "How lucky am I?! I have an amazing opportunity at my fingertips, I have beauty outside of my window every day! I have an amazing support system at home, in fact, let me go see if any of them sent me an email!"

I got out of bed with a spring in my step! I looked at the sun beams shining through my window. I smiled at the birds and shouted "I love you!" to the cats and dogs on the street. I spun around and danced my way into my kitchen, where I poured myself a glass of orange juice. "Whoever invented oranges was amazing! What a fantastic beverage!" I skipped to my front door and glided out like I was entering a royal ball. Down the stairs to the lobby, and I opened the window to lean out and get the signal. Oh the beauty as I opened the window and looked straight to the fabulous mountains that lay just out of reach of the city limits.

I glanced a little further down at the rooftops...such magnificent structures they are! No wonder this culture is so ancient, they have been doing it right for years.

My eyes slid down further, to the windows of the houses where laundry hung on the clotheslines, and chili peppers hung out to dry.

Then I looked down, to wear the gardens are usually growing in peoples front yards, and bicycles are perched ever so poetically against picket fences.

And instead I just saw an old woman, crouched down, confused face, dropped trousers, taking a dump right in the middle road.

And now the fun begins...

First day of school

Cue scene
School, in the middle of nowhere
No AC
About 200 screaming Korean children
1 foreigner (me)
1 other English speaker
1 self-proclaimed alcoholic principal

Recipe for success.

I walked to my school (which I found by pure dumb luck because I had no directions there) and walked in to be greeted by Danny, and the other teachers and students. They had a morning meeting in the auditorium, where I was pushed on stage to greet them and introduce myself. Then I was shown to my classroom

My class was scheduled to begin at 10:50. Naturally at 930 the bell chimed with my students all in their seats. With no books, no curriculum at hand, and no instruction from the co-teachers, I just had to wing it.

I introduced myself, told them about where I am from, asked them their names, and what they knew about America and what they could tell me about Korea.

Then I opened up the floor for questions.

Students- "teacher how old are you?"
Me-"How old do you think I am?"
S- "100!"
M-"I am 24"
S- "Our teacher is 25!"
M- "cool"
S- "Teacher do you have boyfriend?"
M-"No students, I do not have a boyfriend"
S-"do you like our teacher? He can be your boyfriend!"

Awkwardness ensued.

Of course, I thought it was hilarious and the kids are so adorable. They kept looking at me and miming big eyes with their hands! They also called me lord of the rings because of my abundance of jewelry.

Danny came in and whisked me away to a meeting that apparently was going on at the department of education that I was supposed to attend.

This was where I met all my new Miryang friends!
Most of the other foreigners in this town are from South Africa, and are a blast! We all met up, discussed curriculum, went to dinner, and planned to meet up the next evening with a few other americans and British in the town.

After Pregaming in my apartment with my new south African friends, we pounded 4 bottles of soju, and met up with the others at a chicken restaurant.

Like in turkey, one of the fun things about meetups here are the old school tactics of communication. For example, I got home to my door with a note from my South African neighbor Greg that said "meet outside at 815 for beers with Rich." Its like every day is a secret mission.

We pounded another 6 or 7 bottles of soju at the chicken restaurant and then decided that since it has been a week since my arrival in Korea, we needed to go to a "no ray bang" which is a singing room. Basically, you get a bunch of people together, preferably drunk people, and go to a little room with microphones, a karaoke list, and a tv screen, and a bunch of beers that you smuggle in.

It then deteriorates into a crazy scene of drunken debauchery where people are simultaneously passing out, dancing on seats, and singing bad karaoke songs.

I knew I would like it here.......

A weekend in Busan

OK, before I explain the weekend at the Sand Festival, I must explain a facet of my personality known only as "The G."

Many of you have met The G in the past, or seen The G's antics whether it be online or on stage at a Parliament Funkadelic show. But for those of you who are not familiar with The G, she is my party persona, and when The G is out to party...she goes hard. Not only that, but The G seems to somehow get herself into the craziest of situations.
The G was on hiatus for a little while this past year, but since January she has been back in full force, and lets just say that international boundaries do not hold The G back.
So this weekend was the Sand Festival in Busan...

I went to meet up with a lovely girl who I had connected with through the recruiter I am working with. We met up in Busan and walked around, meeting up with some of her other Teacher friends, and looking at the sand sculptures.

First post-pregaming stop was at "Thursdays Party" which is an acceptable bar to go to on any day of the week. We sat next to a group of Koreans who had just gone to the Busan Giants baseball game. Also, let me rephrase, we sat next to some Koreans and a Japanese girl. We knew she was Japanese because one of the Korean boys kept saying "She is Japanese!!!"

Also, let me interject- gin and tonics here are NOT what I am used to.

But nay, twas not the gin that did me in, for here in Korea they are famous for their Soju, a substance that smells like rubbing alcohol and causes a drunk that is unlike anything else. If there is one thing I am already sure about in Korea, Soju will be my eventual demise.

After Thursdays party we went to "Blue Monkey" a club CRAWLING with foreigners doing crazy things. Naturally I made a b-line to the stage where I spent the majority of the night (when I wasnt on the tables)

Finally it was time to leave, and the scene outside Blue Monkey was just as insane as what was inside. Foreigners crowding the streets, dancing on cars, standing in front of traffic, sleeping outside of stores. I looked around and knew then that coming to Korea was the best idea of my life.

The next morning I decided to travel back to beautiful haeundae beach for a lovely day of self reflection and realization.

"where are you from!" asked the young girl and her mother walking next to me on the sidewalk.

"I am from America" I replied.

"Ahhh I love Engrish!!"

Thus began my day with my new little Korean friends.

They were lovely people, and I introduced myself. They introduced themselves too, but upon hearing their names and struggling for pronunciation, the young girl said I could just call her "Betty."

Betty and her mom were so nice, we walked up the beach and explored the sand festival. At one point they shuttled me into a tent filled with children, I was told to sit down with the children to paint a windchime.

We then went to an observatory on the beach where the second APEC summit was held. It was a breathtaking view of the beach and of Busan. Betty and her mom would point to things and tell me the Korean word, and I would tell them the English equivalent. After a few hours of this, I found I needed to get back to Miryang, and we went to lunch, where Betty's mother told me I was her new sister, followed by a tearful goodbye at the train station.

I recently received an email from Betty inviting me back for dinner with her family. I can't wait!

Off to the next adventure

May 29th, 2012

So some of you may now know that I am currently jetsetting off to South Korea. After the strangest 6 months of my life culminated into the most bizarre May on the record, I have accepted a position as a public school ESL teacher in Miryang, or "secret sunshine."

Similar to my position in Turkey, I will be spending my days living ethnically ambiguous in a country with a homogenous facebook-obsessed population and a tumultuos past history.

Also, I may not have completely thought this one through.

The good news is that I have not (yet) been kidnapped and sold into the sex slave industry, surviving on the only hope that Liam Neison will come save me...

I arrived in Busan and was met by my petite British recruiter Alistair, who is fabulously English. He took me to my hotel where I was to meet him the following day at 9am sharp. I fell asleep after a 26 hour journey to the Korean home shopping network.

In the morning, Alistair, myself, and 2 other teachers rallied together to go to the education office where we were to meet our Korean co-teachers, or rather, my new built in best friend. His name is "Danny", he barely speaks english, and he wears a vest. Needless to say, the odds were in my favor in this one.

Danny took my paperwork and instructed me that we will be going to get my health check. We rolled out of the education office bumpin to flo-ridas "low" and discussed our mutual liking of drinking, dancing and shopping. The health check was....interesting, as I had to pee in a Dixie cup and then get weight, height, eyes, ears, etc checked in front of an audience of people who were also waiting for their check. To clear things up, I didn't pee in the dixie cup in front of everyone....

My historically small veins were massacred during my "blood correction" which involved 5 minutes of being multiply stabbed by a syringe (wait until you see my Bruise!).

After assuring the doctor I had no diseases, Danny and I left on route to Busan where I would get my alien registration card. We talked in the car of many things: hometowns, music, dating life, sports. I even explained to him the meaning of "piece of me" by Brittany Spears.

Finally it was time to bring me to my new home, which is situated in Miryang, a small city completely surrounded by mountains and cut in half by a large river. We stopped at the side of the road to pick up a seemingly random Korean girl, who i then found out was "Lizzy", another English teacher at one of the 3 schools I will be teaching at. They were both very kind, helping me move in and promising we would all party soon, but I had to get some sleep first.
I woke up at 3:30 am Korean time and unpacked all of my stuff in my new bachelorette pad. After getting ready, I began what I like to call "the Korean hunger games."

In many of the larger cities, English signage is quite prevalent. In Miryang,the only sign I have found thus far is for a restaurant called "chicken for my family" and because my family is halfway around the world, I decided to skip this one.

Many of the restaurants seemed closed and/or guaranteed to give me food poisoning. I wandered my way into an open door with clean tables and immediately realized that I had absolutely no command over even the basic of Korean phrases. So instead, I smiled, motioned that I wanted food, sat down and hoped for the best.

The nice korean man prepared some sort of cold noodle dish, even showing me how to eat it, and laughed at the stupid American as she fumbled with the chopsticks until he brought me a fork. I "kamsahamnida"ed him as I continued on my journey of city exploration.

Solid first 48 hours.