Awkward Conversations

Some of you may be my friend on Facebook. If you are, you probably saw a recent status post regarding a certain Uzbek at my school. It was in the form of a hypothetical letter. For those of you who didn't see it, I shall copy that language here:

Dear Uzbek man who happens to be at my place of work today, 

While I was initially confused at your presence in my school, my confused stare was not an invitation for you to wait outside my classroom door, staring inside the window until you got my attention and I almost peed my pants from fear. Thank you for your attempt to speak Korean and broken English to me, asking how many children I have and when we can go to a restaurant together. While I am mildly intrigued about how you randomly showed up here, my interest is not piqued enough to continue this horrendously awkward conversation where you keep telling me you like my face and spelling out "LOVE" in the air and pointing at me. At this point, I am compelled to make up a "Hey I Just met you, and this is crazy.." joke...but it would surely go over your head, leaving me further disappointed and unwilling to mime my way through explanation of said joke.

Anyways, thanks for the memories. I am sure I will see you on the staircase again soon.

Until We Meet Again,

Annie G.

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated occurrence. Time and time again in my travels, I experience similar situations of awkward smiling and nodding and broken pick up lines. Here in Korea, it has been particularly frequent. You see, often times, especially in areas where cultural diversity is severely lacking, people see someone who doesn't look like the rest of the crowd and think it is an open invitation for strained conversation and unwelcome come-ons. It often occurs here with older Korean men, and/or with people who have not-so-subtle ulterior-motives to simply try and learn English. However, it also happens with other foreigners who see a not-so-familiar face in hopes that our unspoken connection as "Waygookins" can bridge the glaring language barrier. 

ABP- it doesn't. 

I wish I could organize a conference with all of these awkward-conversation offenders and explain. Look, I get it. I have big eyes. You are shocked that you find me attractive despite the fact that I am fat. You think my smile is cute, but you hate America. You immediately must ask my marital status and when we can go out. But the thing is, and you may find this shocking, but I do NOT actually want to go on a date with you. This is not me being egotistical, because I am egotistical and I will be the first one to admit when I enjoy basking in the glory of unsolicited compliments. 

You see, I would prefer to not have a meal with a complete stranger who spends the whole time in an elaborate game of "backhanded compliments" charades. The fact of the matter is, by the time you have finished asking when we can go to dinner, we have already completed all of the conversation potential we have. That's it. We are done. It has been fun, but I don't want to willingly enter into a situation that would require at least an hour of uncomfortable giggling, painful silences, and pointing to random objects and saying their names in English. Inevitably I will just end up calling my best friend, Alcohol, and will end up saying horrendously offensive things to your misunderstanding face anyways, and no one really wants that. 

So, people of the world, don't be mistaken by my quizzical stares, my perfect camera ready smile, my laugh-track worthy conversation, and my general kindness...because despite all of this...I am, in fact, a raging bitch and I do not want to spend time with you.

For those of you unsure of where Uzbekistan is, it is a former Soviet Union Nation located in central Asia...also...it's 2013...get a map you pinheads. 

Until we meet again....

Annie G.

Holidays, Home, and a Happy New Year

This past holiday season was particularly exciting, as I made a most glorious, and highly anticipated visit home. I was able to leave Korea early Christmas morning (Koreatime) and touched down in Logan airport...early Christmas morning (EST) completing my first ever, 48 hour Christmas.

It was awesome to see my friends and my family, especially my 96 year old grandmother (shoutout to the original Ruthie O!). Also, it was great to make some solid visits to the Peking Garden... Al definitely missed me.

The best thing about home, was realizing that you can travel around the entire world, and every day you can read about and see first hand that everything is changing drastically. When you get home though, it will always be the same. The same smells, the same sights, the same people, the same bars, the same rituals and traditions, and while some people think that is a bad thing, I beg to differ.

In a world where technology boasts constant change, having a home-constant is a comfort is so important and underrated.

I consider myself really lucky to have that. I am also lucky to have had so many opportunities to travel. But here's the thing, travelling in itself does not make you better. It does not make you smarter, or more cultured, or even wiser. It doesn't necessarily make you more accepting, more open, or more enlightened. You can gain experience from all those things by staying near to home, because being in a different country can't change your mind on anything, you have to be able to change your own mind. Travelling can help you broaden your horizons, but only if you are willing to broaden them on your own. I can't tell you how many idiots I have met in my voyages who are even more racist, close minded, or culturally unaware than people who haven't even left the state, some people who have even traveled more than I have.

That being said, it was a rad visit, and it was great to see everyone.

Also, my plane caught on fire on my way back and I got on the news...so I'm basically famous now.

All in all, I'm a lucky bastard to have all these things in my life..

And here's some drunken New Year's Eve pics!

An insiders glimpse of korea...part 1

OK so to get a better understanding of my everyday, I would like to share a series of cultural insights with you to better paint the picture.

It is hard to find where to begin, it is like living in a cartoon over here.

Currently, I do not have internet in my apartment. In fact, I type now surrounded by teenage boys playing hours of computer games in a PC room. I don't much mind that there is no internet, as it gives me time to focus on myself, listen to music, try and learn Korean, and other such impossible tasks.

If I walk outside my apartment door and lean out the window in the staircase, I can occassionally pick up a signal.

I am still adjusting my body the time difference here, and have been waking up a little bit early (which for any of you who know me, this is odd because I am surely NOT a morning person). Some times I walk down by the river, or near the temple where I can find some intense scenic views....



or



Beautiful right?


So yesterday morning I woke up to the sun shining through my window. The birds were chirping outside and the air was fresh. I sat up refreshed and ready for the day, thinking to myself "How lucky am I?! I have an amazing opportunity at my fingertips, I have beauty outside of my window every day! I have an amazing support system at home, in fact, let me go see if any of them sent me an email!"

I got out of bed with a spring in my step! I looked at the sun beams shining through my window. I smiled at the birds and shouted "I love you!" to the cats and dogs on the street. I spun around and danced my way into my kitchen, where I poured myself a glass of orange juice. "Whoever invented oranges was amazing! What a fantastic beverage!" I skipped to my front door and glided out like I was entering a royal ball. Down the stairs to the lobby, and I opened the window to lean out and get the signal. Oh the beauty as I opened the window and looked straight to the fabulous mountains that lay just out of reach of the city limits.

I glanced a little further down at the rooftops...such magnificent structures they are! No wonder this culture is so ancient, they have been doing it right for years.

My eyes slid down further, to the windows of the houses where laundry hung on the clotheslines, and chili peppers hung out to dry.

Then I looked down, to wear the gardens are usually growing in peoples front yards, and bicycles are perched ever so poetically against picket fences.

And instead I just saw an old woman, crouched down, confused face, dropped trousers, taking a dump right in the middle road.

Off to the next adventure

May 29th, 2012

So some of you may now know that I am currently jetsetting off to South Korea. After the strangest 6 months of my life culminated into the most bizarre May on the record, I have accepted a position as a public school ESL teacher in Miryang, or "secret sunshine."

Similar to my position in Turkey, I will be spending my days living ethnically ambiguous in a country with a homogenous facebook-obsessed population and a tumultuos past history.

Also, I may not have completely thought this one through.

The good news is that I have not (yet) been kidnapped and sold into the sex slave industry, surviving on the only hope that Liam Neison will come save me...

I arrived in Busan and was met by my petite British recruiter Alistair, who is fabulously English. He took me to my hotel where I was to meet him the following day at 9am sharp. I fell asleep after a 26 hour journey to the Korean home shopping network.

In the morning, Alistair, myself, and 2 other teachers rallied together to go to the education office where we were to meet our Korean co-teachers, or rather, my new built in best friend. His name is "Danny", he barely speaks english, and he wears a vest. Needless to say, the odds were in my favor in this one.

Danny took my paperwork and instructed me that we will be going to get my health check. We rolled out of the education office bumpin to flo-ridas "low" and discussed our mutual liking of drinking, dancing and shopping. The health check was....interesting, as I had to pee in a Dixie cup and then get weight, height, eyes, ears, etc checked in front of an audience of people who were also waiting for their check. To clear things up, I didn't pee in the dixie cup in front of everyone....

My historically small veins were massacred during my "blood correction" which involved 5 minutes of being multiply stabbed by a syringe (wait until you see my Bruise!).

After assuring the doctor I had no diseases, Danny and I left on route to Busan where I would get my alien registration card. We talked in the car of many things: hometowns, music, dating life, sports. I even explained to him the meaning of "piece of me" by Brittany Spears.

Finally it was time to bring me to my new home, which is situated in Miryang, a small city completely surrounded by mountains and cut in half by a large river. We stopped at the side of the road to pick up a seemingly random Korean girl, who i then found out was "Lizzy", another English teacher at one of the 3 schools I will be teaching at. They were both very kind, helping me move in and promising we would all party soon, but I had to get some sleep first.
I woke up at 3:30 am Korean time and unpacked all of my stuff in my new bachelorette pad. After getting ready, I began what I like to call "the Korean hunger games."

In many of the larger cities, English signage is quite prevalent. In Miryang,the only sign I have found thus far is for a restaurant called "chicken for my family" and because my family is halfway around the world, I decided to skip this one.

Many of the restaurants seemed closed and/or guaranteed to give me food poisoning. I wandered my way into an open door with clean tables and immediately realized that I had absolutely no command over even the basic of Korean phrases. So instead, I smiled, motioned that I wanted food, sat down and hoped for the best.

The nice korean man prepared some sort of cold noodle dish, even showing me how to eat it, and laughed at the stupid American as she fumbled with the chopsticks until he brought me a fork. I "kamsahamnida"ed him as I continued on my journey of city exploration.

Solid first 48 hours.