A life update

Hello everyone.

My sincerest apologies for yet another way overdue post. The thing about it is though, all drunken debauchery aside, life has been fairly boring lately. The winters here are dreary and bitterly cold, and while they don't last as long as a harsh New England winter, they are fairly uneventful. Not that I am using that as an excuse, I had all the time in the world to write something down, but why waste my time when there are so many cute pictures of cats on the internet to distract me!

The fact of the matter is that now the weather is warmer, and all of Korea has brightened spirits, no one more than myself. The new school year began in the beginning of March, where there was a major shift in all other teachers and principals, which was cool to have some fresh faces. Not so cool is the fact that none of my co-teachers now speak English (they are like my lifelines here) but I am making it work nonetheless.

Also strange, no one here seems to be even slightly concerned about North Korea, but I think that is an entirely different post all together.

Last weekend was St. Patrick's Day and my Birthday, which was just another example of starting off the night looking fly as hell, and ending the night looking like a trashy hooker who is addicted to Burger King. But that is also not surprising. And I met some Iraqi guy who claims to be Saddam Hussein's cousin. So ya...

The thing is, now that the weather is warming, a new sense of motivation and accomplishment is beginning to wash over me. I am finding that I am more ambitious (evident by this blog post) and just feel all around better.

What is also crazy is how fast a year can go by. This time in 2012, I was celebrating my birthday with my dear friend Melissa Kane. I was wasted by 11:30, passed out on the porch as my friends sang to me inside. Don't get me wrong, that night was hilarious, but it stuck out like a sore thumb.

A year ago, I was working 4 jobs, usually 80 hours a week and barely making ends meet. After getting laid off from the worst job of my life, I had to find a way to pay my mounting loan bills. I was doing anything I could to make a buck, I was depressed, I was overweight, I was going on dates with guys I didn't care about or even want to talk to. I was in the throws of a recent break up, and I felt like there was literally nothing I could do and no where I could go. I was an abuser, a user and an all around loser.

It's so strange to see pictures of me from 2011-the beginning of 2012. I almost can't recognize myself, and I can't believe I let myself go so much. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, and I still have my ups and downs, but hands down getting back on the travel wagon is what saved me.

But more so, I was able to realize that people you think you know really well, probably suck. And people you may not know as well, are awesome. In this past year, I have been able to appreciate the great family and friends I have, and how I would not be able to accomplish anything without their support.

So yes, there is no real funny stories or crazy antics I have gotten into as of late, but if you look at the big picture, I have been getting into trouble for 25 years, and the fact that I am still alive and going forward is cool enough :)


Also I think I'm going Bungee Jumping at the DMZ at the end of the month. Updates to come.

Love you all

G.


And here's some madness for you :)

Awkward Conversations

Some of you may be my friend on Facebook. If you are, you probably saw a recent status post regarding a certain Uzbek at my school. It was in the form of a hypothetical letter. For those of you who didn't see it, I shall copy that language here:

Dear Uzbek man who happens to be at my place of work today, 

While I was initially confused at your presence in my school, my confused stare was not an invitation for you to wait outside my classroom door, staring inside the window until you got my attention and I almost peed my pants from fear. Thank you for your attempt to speak Korean and broken English to me, asking how many children I have and when we can go to a restaurant together. While I am mildly intrigued about how you randomly showed up here, my interest is not piqued enough to continue this horrendously awkward conversation where you keep telling me you like my face and spelling out "LOVE" in the air and pointing at me. At this point, I am compelled to make up a "Hey I Just met you, and this is crazy.." joke...but it would surely go over your head, leaving me further disappointed and unwilling to mime my way through explanation of said joke.

Anyways, thanks for the memories. I am sure I will see you on the staircase again soon.

Until We Meet Again,

Annie G.

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated occurrence. Time and time again in my travels, I experience similar situations of awkward smiling and nodding and broken pick up lines. Here in Korea, it has been particularly frequent. You see, often times, especially in areas where cultural diversity is severely lacking, people see someone who doesn't look like the rest of the crowd and think it is an open invitation for strained conversation and unwelcome come-ons. It often occurs here with older Korean men, and/or with people who have not-so-subtle ulterior-motives to simply try and learn English. However, it also happens with other foreigners who see a not-so-familiar face in hopes that our unspoken connection as "Waygookins" can bridge the glaring language barrier. 

ABP- it doesn't. 

I wish I could organize a conference with all of these awkward-conversation offenders and explain. Look, I get it. I have big eyes. You are shocked that you find me attractive despite the fact that I am fat. You think my smile is cute, but you hate America. You immediately must ask my marital status and when we can go out. But the thing is, and you may find this shocking, but I do NOT actually want to go on a date with you. This is not me being egotistical, because I am egotistical and I will be the first one to admit when I enjoy basking in the glory of unsolicited compliments. 

You see, I would prefer to not have a meal with a complete stranger who spends the whole time in an elaborate game of "backhanded compliments" charades. The fact of the matter is, by the time you have finished asking when we can go to dinner, we have already completed all of the conversation potential we have. That's it. We are done. It has been fun, but I don't want to willingly enter into a situation that would require at least an hour of uncomfortable giggling, painful silences, and pointing to random objects and saying their names in English. Inevitably I will just end up calling my best friend, Alcohol, and will end up saying horrendously offensive things to your misunderstanding face anyways, and no one really wants that. 

So, people of the world, don't be mistaken by my quizzical stares, my perfect camera ready smile, my laugh-track worthy conversation, and my general kindness...because despite all of this...I am, in fact, a raging bitch and I do not want to spend time with you.

For those of you unsure of where Uzbekistan is, it is a former Soviet Union Nation located in central Asia...also...it's 2013...get a map you pinheads. 

Until we meet again....

Annie G.

Holidays, Home, and a Happy New Year

This past holiday season was particularly exciting, as I made a most glorious, and highly anticipated visit home. I was able to leave Korea early Christmas morning (Koreatime) and touched down in Logan airport...early Christmas morning (EST) completing my first ever, 48 hour Christmas.

It was awesome to see my friends and my family, especially my 96 year old grandmother (shoutout to the original Ruthie O!). Also, it was great to make some solid visits to the Peking Garden... Al definitely missed me.

The best thing about home, was realizing that you can travel around the entire world, and every day you can read about and see first hand that everything is changing drastically. When you get home though, it will always be the same. The same smells, the same sights, the same people, the same bars, the same rituals and traditions, and while some people think that is a bad thing, I beg to differ.

In a world where technology boasts constant change, having a home-constant is a comfort is so important and underrated.

I consider myself really lucky to have that. I am also lucky to have had so many opportunities to travel. But here's the thing, travelling in itself does not make you better. It does not make you smarter, or more cultured, or even wiser. It doesn't necessarily make you more accepting, more open, or more enlightened. You can gain experience from all those things by staying near to home, because being in a different country can't change your mind on anything, you have to be able to change your own mind. Travelling can help you broaden your horizons, but only if you are willing to broaden them on your own. I can't tell you how many idiots I have met in my voyages who are even more racist, close minded, or culturally unaware than people who haven't even left the state, some people who have even traveled more than I have.

That being said, it was a rad visit, and it was great to see everyone.

Also, my plane caught on fire on my way back and I got on the news...so I'm basically famous now.

All in all, I'm a lucky bastard to have all these things in my life..

And here's some drunken New Year's Eve pics!

Reflections on November: The month everyone fell in love and I reached enlightenment

So last month, everyone decided to fall in love.

And I'm talking EVERYONE!

One of my 4th graders proposed to his friend. A 5th grader started wearing matching heart pendants with his 4th grade girlfriend (ever so scandalous). Chris and Emma in the 1st grade are deeply in love, and they make each other cards and then beat each other up after lunch. The 6th grade is a complete cesspool of hormones and even the kindergartners have been caught holding hands.

Needless to say, love is in the air! It's quite adorable, and typically these young couples are well regarded by their classmates (whereas in elementary schools in the US, relationships are met with ridicule and rhyming songs). The crazy thing is, some of them are like really "in love" (I just said that like Daisy from "Rock of Love" BTW). I mean, I could really see some of them making it through the long haul, and in a time where even Danny Devito is getting a divorce, it's a bit refreshing to see everyone's heart-a-flutter.

Even us "adults" are finding love, as many of my friends have found themselves in relationships, or potential relationships, this month.

Perhaps it was due to our spiritual journey a few weeks back, when the Education office had the bright idea to send the motley crew of foreign teachers over to Tongdosa for a Buddhist temple retreat.

I for one was quite excited, as I have been studying Buddhism for some time now and was eager to learn more firsthand.

AND as luck would have it, the monk that was put in charge of us was a 20 something from Seattle, and was very willing and open to all of our questions.

That being said, through the chanting, meditation, 108 bows (ouch!) and formal meals, our group of delinquents were probably the most inappropriate bunch the temple as ever seen.

The fact that the first thing we talked about with the monk was how Washington recently legalized marijuana, I'm sure he soon realized that taking care of us was going to be akin to herding cats.

The boys urged the girls to try and seduce him, the girls joined the boys in a riveting game of "floor darts" (what we made up when we were supposed to have a quiet reflection time...basically you slide across the floor on meditation mats), all of us made a spectacle of ourselves during the morning mountain climb and during formal meal...

And I had to eat a fly.

During the formal meal, ALL food must be consumed. You have to eat everything you take, even using water to wash the bowls and drinking said water. Of course, as luck would have it, a fly fell into my soup. I had to quietly panic (as the whole meal was supposed to occur in silence) but I didn't know what to do. The Buddhists are vegetarians,  but also cannot leave extra food. Finally I turned to my friend Tim and showed him the dilemma in my spoon. "Eat it" he said, "You have to!"

And down the fly went.

Afterwards, we were contemplating if I had made the right choice, when my friend Anita asked the monk what the correct course of action had been. He said that I could have gone either way, but probably eating it was best, and less messy.

So ya, I ate an animal at a Buddhist temple. Oops.

All in all it was a great experience, I want to go again! But I think I will forever be too loud and obnoxious to reach complete enlightenment.

 They had us all looking sexy in the latest in Buddhist fashions.

PEACE!

Korean Winter and Avoiding Fan Death

Ahhh the first real snowfall of the season.

Today, before I had to educate my sixth grade class, we all noticed the beauty of the season's first snowfall as it gracefully glistened outside our school windows. We saw the flakes descend upon the mountain which stands directly behind my rural school. The children squealed with joy, as they all ran out after a lunch of flavored meat water soup, to gather snowballs and frolic in the wintery bliss. Such a lovely sight here in the Republic of Korea, as happy children enjoyed the weather and urged me to join them. "Teacha" they cried "snow barr pight!" I flashed back to the first snow fall when I was in Turkey and remembered how all the students and teachers giggled as we pelted each other with snowballs and laughed at the change of the seasons. I thought to recreate this moment in another country, but instead I glanced at them through the window from behind my desk, as I crouched behind a small space heater in my winter gear...

Because I was literally freezing my ass off...

You see, Koreans are very health conscious people, which is a great aspect of their society, with the exception of their viewpoints on temperature control. Walk into any Korean house in the cold, and they will be blaring their under-floor heating (exactly what it sounds like) and it's truly amazing. In the summer, the homes have full AirCon and people can rest from the sweltering heat in comfort. But the rules for school are different.

For some reason, the Korean ideas of air flow and ventilation rank higher in importance than the general well being of those contained inside of a building.

Today it is snowing, and negative 5 degrees Celsius (you can do the conversion back home) yet ALL of the windows and doors in my school are wide open. Teachers rarely put on the heat in their classrooms, and instead put one small space heater under the desk. This is particularly difficult when utilizing the lavoratory services, as every time i sit down to pee, my buttcheeks get frostbite.

Unfortunately my reluctance to urinate due to the fear of frigid porcelain, has caused me to hold it in for longer than I probably should. This, in turn, lead to a urinary tract infection. Due to a lack of communication and available medicine, this lead to a bladder infection. Due to a lack of ability to leave my bathroom or explain to a taxi driver that I needed to go the doctor, I had to be rescued my one of my Korean friends and her Mom after being stuck in my bathroom for over 3 hours. Due to miscommunications about my urinary issues, this lead to being unnecessary examined by several doctors. All of this factored into a particularly uncomfortable Wednesday  and also really adversely affected my health. Due to this uncomfortable Wednesday  I decided to overshare personal information on the interwebs and gave you readers no warning to what you would be reading about and now you all know way to much about my urinary system.

But don't blame me for this, blame Korea.

It's equally as puzzling in the summertime. The temperature outside is like a sauna, as it is very hot and humid. Yet schools are reluctant to turn on the air conditioner. Not to mention at night, there is the perpetual Korean fear of....Fan Death.

So for those of you who don't know what Fan Death is (and have not yet googled it) it is not fatalities occurred by screaming oreteens at a Justin Beiber concert. Worse...it's the idea that the majority of the country upholds, that if you sleep with a fan in your bedroom, that the fan somehow sucks up all of the good air in the room and thus causes suffocation, and in turn, death.

Note: No scientific evidence has ever backed up the credibility of Fan Death.

As mentioned before, Korea has the highest suicide rate in the world, yet this is not something often talked about. Frequently, if someone unfortunately decides to take their own life, the family, being too proud to admit it, will then blame the perils of Fan Death. Not only is this an awful way to avoid discussing a major national problem, but it also severely impacts treatment of temperature in the day to day.

So here I sit, cold, alone, and unable to pee freely. Perhaps Ebenezer Scrooge was actually an English Teacher in Korea...because if that was the case, then I completely understand his viewpoint.

Personal Space

Sorry for being a jerk in this video...I just have a lot of feelings.

Gangnam Style

So strangely enough, soon after I moved to this great nation of South Korea, an epidemic took over the world.

This disease, which began here in Korea and quickly spread internationally, is known only...as Gangnam Style.

For those of you who have been hiding under a sound-proof rock, here's the song above.

This song non-sensically touts the "badassery" of living the high life in Gangnam, the wealthy area of Seoul, but really focuses on the most assinine dance move since the hand-jive. Dubbed the "horse dance" Gangnam style has swept the world.

And here in Korea, a country that has a non-existent drug culture, Gangnam style is crack.

First of all, the one thing Koreans may love almost as much as kimchi, is choreographed dance routines. The art of the music video still reigns supreme here, and when a new k-pop song comes out, the choreography is immediately absorbed, copied, and performed en masse in clubs across the nation.

I first heard Gangnam Style during the Miryang English Camp at the end of July/ beginning of August this past summer. The students showed us the video by singer Psy, and then learned the dance for my end-of-the-week production of the hit broadway play, "Goiter Man" (It was tony-award winning, trust me). I almost blame myself for the worldwide craze, as soon after I posted the song to my Facebook profile, and seeing as how I am so popular and I have so many friends and I am so well-loved and amazing and humble....it was bound to take off.

Psy could be compared to a Weird Al Yankovic in the states. A comedic singer, he actually attended Boston University (Sucks to BU!) and Berkelee College of Music...so ya...we can partially blame the hub for all this...

Also, I found out that one time he got arrested for possession of marijuana here in Korea, and paid his way out, the equivalent of about $400,000 dollars. That's some Gangnam Style shit, yo'...represent!

His video plays on both the slapstick humor that is popular here in Korea, as well as the borderline vulgarity that we love oh-so-much back in the USA. That combined with a gimmicky dance move, toe-tapping beat, and catchy catch-phrase, this one was destined for complete airwave takeover.

But Americans, playa please, quit your complaining about the incessant overplaying of this song, because if you think it is annoying back in the states, than your head would literally explode over here.

I cannot go a day without hearing Gangnam style. It's not even like they overplay it on the radio, I'm talking they play it in the stores, the train stations, the classrooms..even just on the street.

But that isn't the worst part. Even more annoying than the song itself (which I will admit, I do have on my ipod...when in Rome!) is the fact that EVERY Korean person will come up to me and ask:

"Do you know Gangnam style?"

Oh no, I'm sorry, I am unfamiliar with the song that has turned my eardrums into Zildijian cymbals. I don't recognize that seizure-inducing beat that makes me want to kick puppies. What is that dance you are doing? It looks like you are riding on an ass? Oh it's a horse dance! My mistake, I thought people around here just enjoyed looking completely moronic. Thanks for clearing it up!

Now, at first, I was all about it, and to be honest, when I am drunk, I can Gangnam Style like no other. What is also unfortunate, is that this song will be over in approximately one month (Remember Gotye's hit "Somebody that I used to Know? Ya...neither do I) and then South Korea's 15 minutes of world-wide fame will fade into the background of the United Nations until North Korea tries to shoot off another failed bomb again.

In a sense, I feel for Korea. Gangnam style is now more than just an annoying song, it is an annoying anthem of a generation. One day this song will be nothing more than a wedding line dance, and we will be able to look back and think, "I knew this song when it was cool." I mean, think of the "Macarena." There was once a time where we all took joy in the monotony of group arm choreography, and now, our bodies just seem to automatically go through the motions at the occasional Bar Mitzvahs.

Stop the madness now. Save this song from it's eventual demise. Try and keep this chaos as a novelty. Hey...Sexy Lady....

Oppa Gangnam Style!

Oh ya...and this happened.....


http://www.happyplace.com/18380/person-gets-music-tattoo-theyll-regret-fifteen-minutes-from-now

PS-that's not me...




or is it?


PEACE
Annie G.