What happened?

What happened?

Remember when government used to be "for the people?" What happened to the ideals of those who drafted the constitution? Those who thought a "representative" body would consider the needs of their constituency and not the outdated ideas of the party hardliners or the businesses that fuel their re-election campaigns?

What happened to equality? Equality in gender, orientation, marriage, race and beliefs seem to be on constant attack. Believe what you want to believe, but why actively believe in taking away someone else's happiness or options? We have come such a long way with civil rights, why backtrack now? Why do we ignore that the majority of this country supports LGBQT rights but decision makers still think that the Bible trumps all? The Bible also says it is a sin to wear clothes made from two different types of material, but you don't see conservative christian fashion police protesting Macy's new summer catalog.

What happened to personal privacy? What happened to outrage over the Patriot act? If the government wants to facebook stalk me like a jealous ex that's fine, but at least leave me passive aggressive photo comments to show me you still care.

What happened to education? Remember when our parents said we could always fall back on a college degree? You may have forgotten, because that was 80,000 dollars in loans ago. Perhaps we should live within our means, but when our means are barely enough to make ends meet each month, why not try and strive to do better? Why should the government and big banks be making 7% interest on student loans, and then refuse to hire people at entry level wage because the CEOs need a raise?

Why is it that a group of people who are a majority of older white males get to make the decisions that affect the lives of thousands of women (and men) who are convinced they have a say in the matter but when they exercise the right of petition it falls on deaf ears? Why, when a woman does  come into a position of power, the focus is first on her appearance, then on her morals, and finally on her words and ideas.

Why don't people think for themselves? Disagree with me until the cows come home, but don't do it because of something you heard from Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Joe Scarborough or even James Carville. Why don't people take the initiative to check their facts, as opposed to blindly telling everyone the nation made a huge mistake electing a black Kenyan muslim to the white house?

Why is it that I can travel around the world, and meet amazing people of all walks of life, and explore insanely awesome places, but still think that I am from the best country on Earth? Why is it that when I hear about these ridiculous things happening in the USA, whether it be the name of Kim and Kanye's child, Paula Deen's former days as a racist chef, Wendy Davis's struggle to have the State Legislature of Texas listen to what she has to say, or the NSA flagging me as a potential threat for this exact facebook comment, I still think that I wouldn't want my passport to represent any other nation.

What happened? We all stopped caring. We do what I am doing now. We talk shit on our various social media outlets and hope that someone will like our posts and then we can feel better about our opinions at the end of the day. We think that nothing we can do matters. We think that everything is beyond our control...because it is.

But the reason I love being from the US, is because we have proven ourselves before and we can do it again. We can take control back, albeit ever so slightly. We can come together and cheer for 15 minutes to delay a sexist bill in a state legislature. We can lend our ears to protesters in countries like Brazil and Turkey so they know we support their fight for freedom also. We can educate ourselves on the places we find so scary, like why Syria is in ruins and China isn't as much of a threat to our economy as we would like to believe it is. We can shut down a whole city to find a terrorist suspect to make sure they never attack innocent lives again. We can pay less attention to useless celebrities and pay more attention to social issues and how they REALLY affect our lives. We can make it known that things like rape, abuse, violence, murder and terrorism are not tolerable, and focus on the victims of these offenses as opposed to those who just want their 15 minutes of fame or want to use tragedy for personal or political gain. We can pay each other fair wages, not because of any government mandate, but because business owners should recognize that an assistant who works overtime and goes above and beyond the call of duty can be paid more than 30,000 a year, if you cut down on a fraction of the 7 figure income of the CEOs who sit at their desks all day or meet other big wigs for golf meetings. We can rely on government not for handouts, but for help in pursuing greater goals, without having to sell a pound of flesh, or pay insane student loan interest rates, to do so.

Let's all stop trying to take away each other's rights and liberties. Let's stop making this such a game of tug-o-war. Let's re-prioritize the country and where we stand. I love the USA so much, sometimes I wish it would love me back just a little bit more.

What happened? Nothing in response to every... and that's the biggest problem.

:::trips off soapbox:::

An Asshole Abroad

Ok, so before I begin, if you haven't already gathered...I'm kind of an asshole.

If we are to divide my emotional output, I would say I am about 65% Asshole, 20% Wicked nice, and 15% indifferent towards my general interactions. As you can see, being an asshole usually trumps most of my interactions (see previous posts).

Additionally, I have previously noted my irrational pet peeves, however, there is one particular thing that I have experienced specifically in my travels abroad, and in Korea is occurs with an overwhelming frequency.

You see, around the world, everyone wants to learn English. Regardless if they hate the western world or not, English is a desired skill to obtain purely for their own selfish benefits or for the benefit of potential business and income. In a homogeneous culture such as Korea, I am an easily identifiable English Speaker, and thus, people assume that I wish to engage in meaningless conversation with them.

This is not a problem for those I work with or interact with on a daily basis. For example, my pharmacist, "Danny," speaks a bit of English, and I happily speak with him as he gives me drugs. The coffee shop people try their hand at a few comments about the weather and give me a free waffle. Everyone is happy.

Yet, a large segment of the population of randos that I encounter on my daily walkabouts see me and must misread my "headphones on and shut off from the rest of the world" look to mean "Hey, I would love to hear about what you bought at the store the other day stranger!" look.

Let me further explain. Almost every day, people I DON'T know, or BARELY know, try and have full on conversations with me in broken English about things I don't give a flying fuck about.

Mom sorry for saying fuck, but just brace yourself for this post, because I am an asshole.

So say I am in the middle of the desert. In my pocket is a bunch of flying fucks. Don't ask me specifically what these look like, perhaps they are merely 3D words with wings attached...I don't know use your imagination. Anyways, I have these fucks packed to the rim in my pocket-full-o-fucks, and I am happily skipping about the desert with my fucks happy as a clam.

All of a sudden, I reach a Korean stranger. This stranger is starving, perhaps thirsty, in a rough way. The only thing that could feed them and restore their health is a conversation about how Kimchi is the best food in the world, and just one small flying fuck from my cornucopia of fucks. 

Here I am, in the desert, at a crossroads of life, wondering if I should give a fuck to this stranger. I mean, oh well, it's just one right?

Nope, I skip away, cackling my evil cackle, giving from my bag of fucks to puppies and kitties I see along my way, but none to the strangers with nothing to say.

"Annie you are an awful human, it can't be that bad, what is 3 minutes to someone who is just interested about you and your life? You should be nicer, just take some time to talk about the weather or the trees or something and let them enjoy their day."

No.

For those of you with this mentality, you are either in your first 3 months in a foreign land, or you are rolling on happy pills, because that is not the way this works.

Every day I deal with these nonsense conversations, and the Korean language is very different from English, both syntactically and grammatically, so all the while during these conversations I have to puzzle piece together what they are trying to say, and after all that effort of trying to figure out their message, I realize I STILL don't care about whatever it is they are talking about. AND usually these repeat offenders just tell me the same things over and over.

Take for example this nice woman who smiled at me on the street one day. I see her almost daily, because she works near me. Typically she spots me on my morning commute, when I have my headphones on and am still trying to wake up. Most people would be able to gauge that I am in no mood to entertain these pointless talks...but not her. Now don't get me wrong, she is very nice, but she will sit next to me on the bus or train and interrupt my morning song rotation. Here is an example of our daily interaction.

Korean Lady -Herro
Me- Hi
Korean Lady ::::rapid fire korean::::
Me :::blank stare:::
Korean Lady- My english no good.
Me- My Korean is not good either.
Korean Lady :::rapid fire korean and struggling to think of English words::::
Me :::blank stare:::
Korean Lady- Today rain.
Me- Yup, it's definitely raining.
Korean Lady- My english no good,
Me- Mmm hmm.
Korean lady- Yesterday Homeplus.
Me- You went to homeplus yesterday?
Korean lady- yes.
Me- cool
Korean lady- sale on underwear.
Me- cool
Korean lady :::rapid fire korea:::;
Me- Sorry I gotta go...do...something...bye


EVERY DAY. If only they could read my internal dialogue. "Stop speaking to me in Korean, you know I don't speak in Korean. Ya I know it's raining, it sucks because I am going to work in the rain, you don't have to rub it in. Ya I know your English isn't good, trust me, I was able to pick up on that. You went to homeplus to buy underwear? What would make you think that is a conversation I would like to continue with you. Do you want me to ask you what kind of underwear you got? What colors? Because none of these follow up questions I could potentially ask you would help me care about this interaction any more. why can't we just half-heartedly acknowledge each others presence and then let me continue to stare out the window."

The fact of the matter is, the people who typically have these conversations with me don't actually care for me or want to know about me, they just see me as a walking textbook, someone they can just blindly practice their skills with. They think that I enjoy educating people, and will do it freely for anyone. They think if they speak to me for 5 minutes everyday, that they will somehow gain fluency in a language. They look to me as a free on the street tutor.

Sometimes they even try and masquerade as wanting a new friendship to further their skills. One time I was out at a restaurant with Chelsea and a man comes and sits next to us, spouting off the same useless shit about not knowing English etc. Then he says (or tries to) "We can get coffee and you can help me with my English and I will help you with Korean."

They think if they "befriend" us that free English lessons will ensue.

Our response...

"Ok, well we typically charge 30,000 won for half hour lessons, 50,000 for hour long sessions."

Blank stares ensue

"But we are friends, I can help you with Korean and you can help me with English"

"Oh I don't care about learning Korean. We are teachers so ya."

Never heard from again.


It becomes less of a conversation, than someone just talking at me. And at this point, my time is my money, and unless you are going to pay me for this conversation, then stop talking. No principal, I don't the English name for that tree...because I am not a damn botanist. No coteacher, I don't care if you think that mountain looks like a man lying down. No person on the street, I don't give a shit about if your sister's ex neighbor now lives in Alaska. And hey, if you still want to tell me I am a bad person after all this? Ya I don't really care about that either.

LoVe YoU BiAtChEz!!!!!


Annie G

Being Unmarried in Asia

Korean stranger- "You beautiful! Big eyes, small face, high nose. Strong body. Married?"

Me- "Well thank you stranger. No I am not married."

Korean stranger- "WHY NOT? WHY NOT MARRIED"

my mind- "Well, after struggling with the idea of giving up my independence for many years, I entered into a series of disappointing relationships that ended in betrayal, verbal abuse, or all around disaster. This caused not only trust issues with members of the opposite sex, but also a strong fear of commitment. In my later years, I began to question the institution of marriage as a whole, seeing as how divorce rates are high, marriage opportunities are not universally equal, and the historic significance of marriage is typically misogynistic and objectifies women. Not only that, but to have a wedding in this day and age is extremely expensive, and due to the current economy and most people in my age bracket being unemployed or underemployed, it isn't a worthwhile expenditure at the time when most of my income goes towards paying off the crippling debt I incurred whilst earning a Bachelor's degree at one of the top universities in the nation. That degree, which I worked so hard for and will be paying off for at least the next 15 years, will be much better served in my ongoing quest for accomplishing my future career goals, as opposed to settling down with a boyfriend who's motives I doubt due to my aforementioned aversion to commitment, and then struggling to share finances during a time of economic depression. In fact, being only 25 years old, I feel as though I could work hard to ensure I am financially stable and independent before I need to tie the knot with someone."

Me- "Oh, I don't know. Maybe soon!"


DIRECTIONS: Listen and repeat at least 6 times a day.

Walking down the street...

So anyone who knows me personally, knows that I have my...ahem...quirks. Let me give you some examples:

I hate when my ankles are touched without my permission.
If I see spines I get very nauseous and pass out.
I hate saying goodbye to someone and then having to walk in the same direction.
I prefer if people don't rub my skin the "wrong" way.
DON'T point at me if I don't know you and ESPECIALLY don't point your finger in my face.
I am a short person, so if you use me as an armrest prepare to die. It's not cute, it's not original, it's just a blatant display of douchebaggery.
I don't like it when people grab on to me and don't let go.
In general, if people try to pop my personal space bubble I get fairly perturbed.
Face-talkers...are...awful.

As you can gather, many of these quirks are related to my personal space. As my previous posts have discussed, this has been a constant source of trouble in my life here in Korea. Now I won't go into my issues with people pushing or shoving again, but I would like to tell you about the most frustrating and angering thing that has happened to me in the past 3 months...

And it all started while I was walking down the street...

3 of the 5 days of the work week, I walk to and from the train station to get my connecting transportation to my school. This is about a 3km walk each way, and as someone who enjoys the meditative nature of long walks, I look forward to this alone time.

On Monday, May 6th, I was enjoying my daily walk home. The sun was shining, the air was comfortably warm, and I had my ipod pumping through my headphones on shuffle, which is always a fun twist on my daily soundtrack. Now, because I have taken to walking an average of 10km each night (there's not a lot to do in this town) I have mastered the "walk and change music" technique on my ipod.

So there I am, jauntily walking down the street, when I felt the presence of someone walking behind me. This is a fairly common occurrence when strolling in a public place, and also, I understand that people can walk at a variety of paces. During a pass by on a narrow sidewalk, there is usually a few seconds of overlapping awkwardness where two strangers walk side by side and attempt to not acknowledge each other, and then, usually the passer, continues on their slightly faster pace and gains enough ground ahead to no longer be within the same walking realm of discomfort.

This particular pedestrian, knew not of these rules.

He appeared to be in highschool, probably 16 years old (although being Korean he could have likely been 28 or 11) and old enough to know better. I felt him approach me, and while I had my headphones in, I could hear his steps grow faster. His pace would soon overpower mine, and I braced myself for the inevitable takeover. Sure enough, he came up on my left and quickly pulled ahead of me.

Fine, I was prepared to deal with this, but then a most interesting thing happened. When he reached a point about 5 feet ahead of me, he abruptly stopped, appearing to change a song on his MP3 player. As a seasoned music changer, I continued my path, and did the ever-so-rare reclaim of my walking lead.

It was then that a strange thing occurred. This young man, having now assumed a position several feet behind me, briskly walked forward to pass me again. It was at that point, once he passed me for the second time, that he slowed down in pace once more, at one point stopping immediately in front of my path.

Needless to say, I found this mildly irritating, and thus, I continued my constant pace and walked by him once again. Him, upon noticing my lead, repeated his brisk walk to pass me once more, and then repeated his following action of then slowing down once in front of me.

By the 3rd round of this cat and mouse game, I was visibly annoyed. "Move Bitch" by Ludacris conveniently came on my Ipod, which I interpreted as an obvious sign from God. It is at this point that I began to exhibit a behavior common to foreigners in other countries, which is the audible cussing in English that you assume others do not understand.

Not even joking, this continued for 15 minutes, at which point I was now invested, and began to up my pace just so that kid wouldn't try to pass me again. Back and forth we went, silently trying to one-up the other in the sidewalk death match of the ages. Finally, he took his chance, and set off in a full sprint ahead of me.

He had won the battle, but he had not won the war, for in the end, even though he far surpassed me in distance, he will still have to battle with his constant struggle of complete social awkwardness for his remaining teenage years, and likely the rest of his life.

The World is a Dangerous and Beautiful place

Well, as you all know, I am currently residing in (yet another) country technically at war. The Korean War ended in 1953, not in a treaty, but in an armistice, basically saying let's just cut this country in half and try not to screw up either side.

Well, at first the South was all messed up, slipping into a devastating economy and having to rely on foreign forces to pull them up by their bootstraps. As the economy of South Korea grew, the Kim family regime in the North helped to oppress their population into the most isolated and destitute nations in the world. People died by the thousands during a famine in the 1990s, as Kim Jong Il would have lobsters airlifted to him daily. Koreans get shot trying to cross the border into China, where, if they are captured, they are repatriated back to North Korea where they are executed, tortured or forced into hard labor in the many gulags. All the while, the elite stand around, saying they are the best, that the American bastards are the enemy, and that war with the imperialist pigs is imminent (Their words).

So here I am, in a country under threat by a 30 something year old leader in the North is trying to prove to the world that the...ahem...asian stereotypes of size don't apply to him. We have spent the last few months seeing if all of his talk will amount to anything. People here in South Korea don't give him a second thought, as this rhetoric has been commonplace for years. Back home, I have friends and family about to buy me a plane ticket home because they are so worried about what they see in the hyped up media portrayal of the non-threating blob-o-kim jong un-reliable.

So all that is happening, and while most of our foreigners have ignored the warning from the North to evacuate, we have our necessary precautions: copies of our passports, an emergency escape suitcase, a general idea of where we will run to, a solid catch phrase we can shout at the opposing army (which could also be a great title to the inevitable memoir that will be written about our lives).

Many of us our homesick, myself included, especially as the weather warms up and you think about all the fun you have with friends and family at home. In fact, on Monday, April 15th, I fell asleep here in ticking-time-bomb South Korea, reminiscing about the good ol' days in Boston on Patriots Day...Marathon Monday...when we would all get wasted and wander around the city celebrating each other, the spring weather, the marathon runners, and life in general.

Well I woke up in ticking-time-bomb Korea to find that the bomb was detonated. As I was prepared to evacuate a nuclear war, there was danger at home, where we least expected it. Two homemade bombs were detonated near the finish line at the Boston Marathon, killing 3 people, and critically injuring dozens of others. At first I couldn't believe the news updates I was getting in my email. How could that happen? At an international charity event?

I spent the whole day upset, trying to make sure all my friends and family were accounted for, and trying to find out via the many sensationalized news networks what in the hell actually happened.

I watched the gruesome footage of the explosions, and I cried at the people who's lives were forever changed by this incident. I felt angered, that people feel the need to reek havoc on the lives of unexpected bystanders, of innocent children, and of people who are just trying to enjoy the best of life and help others in the process.

I try to promote peace and love. I try and be a good person. I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated.

But people who commit crimes like this are not people. The terrorists who attacked on 9/11 are not people. The gunmen at Newtown, Aurora, Virginia Tech, or the other various shooting locations are not people. The rebels destroying Damascus, or planting bombs in Ireland, Turkey, The United Kingdom, Pakistan or Afghanistan are not people. They are cockroaches, they are pieces of shit, they are heartless and soulless assholes who do not deserve to be treated as people. These people deserve punishment in the harshest of ways, because these are premeditated acts of anger, aggression and murder.

And as I felt this anger, and as I cried watching the people scrambling for their lives, I also felt pride. Pride in my city, pride in my country, and pride in humanity. Because as the attackers likely dropped the bombs and ran for their lives...strangers on the street risked theirs, and ran to the bomb sites to do anything they could to help the victims. Not just one stranger, not just the cops, but dozens of people immediately sprang into action. Marathon runners continued to run down Boylston to get to Mass General Hospital and donate blood. First responders were ready and willing to help in any way. And that, is amazing. That positive energy overcame my vengeful anger, and I remembered that even when people are acting like assholes after a big burrito dinner...there are awesome people all around us. The good far outweigh the bad, and while there is disaster all over the world, the good people in all of us will prevail. This I am sure.

So now, no one cares about Kim Jong Un's fanny wobble. No one cares about the intentions of the bombers. No one cares about the mental stability of the Newtown gunman. We care about each other. We care about the well being of our fellow man. We care about what we can do from here, how we can change and improve, and how we can try and prevent these tragedies in the future.

There will always be danger in the world. Most importantly, there will always be benevolence. This week has proven that. And the future will prove this as well.

I love that dirty water.

Stay safe everyone.

-G.

A life update

Hello everyone.

My sincerest apologies for yet another way overdue post. The thing about it is though, all drunken debauchery aside, life has been fairly boring lately. The winters here are dreary and bitterly cold, and while they don't last as long as a harsh New England winter, they are fairly uneventful. Not that I am using that as an excuse, I had all the time in the world to write something down, but why waste my time when there are so many cute pictures of cats on the internet to distract me!

The fact of the matter is that now the weather is warmer, and all of Korea has brightened spirits, no one more than myself. The new school year began in the beginning of March, where there was a major shift in all other teachers and principals, which was cool to have some fresh faces. Not so cool is the fact that none of my co-teachers now speak English (they are like my lifelines here) but I am making it work nonetheless.

Also strange, no one here seems to be even slightly concerned about North Korea, but I think that is an entirely different post all together.

Last weekend was St. Patrick's Day and my Birthday, which was just another example of starting off the night looking fly as hell, and ending the night looking like a trashy hooker who is addicted to Burger King. But that is also not surprising. And I met some Iraqi guy who claims to be Saddam Hussein's cousin. So ya...

The thing is, now that the weather is warming, a new sense of motivation and accomplishment is beginning to wash over me. I am finding that I am more ambitious (evident by this blog post) and just feel all around better.

What is also crazy is how fast a year can go by. This time in 2012, I was celebrating my birthday with my dear friend Melissa Kane. I was wasted by 11:30, passed out on the porch as my friends sang to me inside. Don't get me wrong, that night was hilarious, but it stuck out like a sore thumb.

A year ago, I was working 4 jobs, usually 80 hours a week and barely making ends meet. After getting laid off from the worst job of my life, I had to find a way to pay my mounting loan bills. I was doing anything I could to make a buck, I was depressed, I was overweight, I was going on dates with guys I didn't care about or even want to talk to. I was in the throws of a recent break up, and I felt like there was literally nothing I could do and no where I could go. I was an abuser, a user and an all around loser.

It's so strange to see pictures of me from 2011-the beginning of 2012. I almost can't recognize myself, and I can't believe I let myself go so much. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, and I still have my ups and downs, but hands down getting back on the travel wagon is what saved me.

But more so, I was able to realize that people you think you know really well, probably suck. And people you may not know as well, are awesome. In this past year, I have been able to appreciate the great family and friends I have, and how I would not be able to accomplish anything without their support.

So yes, there is no real funny stories or crazy antics I have gotten into as of late, but if you look at the big picture, I have been getting into trouble for 25 years, and the fact that I am still alive and going forward is cool enough :)


Also I think I'm going Bungee Jumping at the DMZ at the end of the month. Updates to come.

Love you all

G.


And here's some madness for you :)

Awkward Conversations

Some of you may be my friend on Facebook. If you are, you probably saw a recent status post regarding a certain Uzbek at my school. It was in the form of a hypothetical letter. For those of you who didn't see it, I shall copy that language here:

Dear Uzbek man who happens to be at my place of work today, 

While I was initially confused at your presence in my school, my confused stare was not an invitation for you to wait outside my classroom door, staring inside the window until you got my attention and I almost peed my pants from fear. Thank you for your attempt to speak Korean and broken English to me, asking how many children I have and when we can go to a restaurant together. While I am mildly intrigued about how you randomly showed up here, my interest is not piqued enough to continue this horrendously awkward conversation where you keep telling me you like my face and spelling out "LOVE" in the air and pointing at me. At this point, I am compelled to make up a "Hey I Just met you, and this is crazy.." joke...but it would surely go over your head, leaving me further disappointed and unwilling to mime my way through explanation of said joke.

Anyways, thanks for the memories. I am sure I will see you on the staircase again soon.

Until We Meet Again,

Annie G.

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated occurrence. Time and time again in my travels, I experience similar situations of awkward smiling and nodding and broken pick up lines. Here in Korea, it has been particularly frequent. You see, often times, especially in areas where cultural diversity is severely lacking, people see someone who doesn't look like the rest of the crowd and think it is an open invitation for strained conversation and unwelcome come-ons. It often occurs here with older Korean men, and/or with people who have not-so-subtle ulterior-motives to simply try and learn English. However, it also happens with other foreigners who see a not-so-familiar face in hopes that our unspoken connection as "Waygookins" can bridge the glaring language barrier. 

ABP- it doesn't. 

I wish I could organize a conference with all of these awkward-conversation offenders and explain. Look, I get it. I have big eyes. You are shocked that you find me attractive despite the fact that I am fat. You think my smile is cute, but you hate America. You immediately must ask my marital status and when we can go out. But the thing is, and you may find this shocking, but I do NOT actually want to go on a date with you. This is not me being egotistical, because I am egotistical and I will be the first one to admit when I enjoy basking in the glory of unsolicited compliments. 

You see, I would prefer to not have a meal with a complete stranger who spends the whole time in an elaborate game of "backhanded compliments" charades. The fact of the matter is, by the time you have finished asking when we can go to dinner, we have already completed all of the conversation potential we have. That's it. We are done. It has been fun, but I don't want to willingly enter into a situation that would require at least an hour of uncomfortable giggling, painful silences, and pointing to random objects and saying their names in English. Inevitably I will just end up calling my best friend, Alcohol, and will end up saying horrendously offensive things to your misunderstanding face anyways, and no one really wants that. 

So, people of the world, don't be mistaken by my quizzical stares, my perfect camera ready smile, my laugh-track worthy conversation, and my general kindness...because despite all of this...I am, in fact, a raging bitch and I do not want to spend time with you.

For those of you unsure of where Uzbekistan is, it is a former Soviet Union Nation located in central Asia...also...it's 2013...get a map you pinheads. 

Until we meet again....

Annie G.

Holidays, Home, and a Happy New Year

This past holiday season was particularly exciting, as I made a most glorious, and highly anticipated visit home. I was able to leave Korea early Christmas morning (Koreatime) and touched down in Logan airport...early Christmas morning (EST) completing my first ever, 48 hour Christmas.

It was awesome to see my friends and my family, especially my 96 year old grandmother (shoutout to the original Ruthie O!). Also, it was great to make some solid visits to the Peking Garden... Al definitely missed me.

The best thing about home, was realizing that you can travel around the entire world, and every day you can read about and see first hand that everything is changing drastically. When you get home though, it will always be the same. The same smells, the same sights, the same people, the same bars, the same rituals and traditions, and while some people think that is a bad thing, I beg to differ.

In a world where technology boasts constant change, having a home-constant is a comfort is so important and underrated.

I consider myself really lucky to have that. I am also lucky to have had so many opportunities to travel. But here's the thing, travelling in itself does not make you better. It does not make you smarter, or more cultured, or even wiser. It doesn't necessarily make you more accepting, more open, or more enlightened. You can gain experience from all those things by staying near to home, because being in a different country can't change your mind on anything, you have to be able to change your own mind. Travelling can help you broaden your horizons, but only if you are willing to broaden them on your own. I can't tell you how many idiots I have met in my voyages who are even more racist, close minded, or culturally unaware than people who haven't even left the state, some people who have even traveled more than I have.

That being said, it was a rad visit, and it was great to see everyone.

Also, my plane caught on fire on my way back and I got on the news...so I'm basically famous now.

All in all, I'm a lucky bastard to have all these things in my life..

And here's some drunken New Year's Eve pics!

Reflections on November: The month everyone fell in love and I reached enlightenment

So last month, everyone decided to fall in love.

And I'm talking EVERYONE!

One of my 4th graders proposed to his friend. A 5th grader started wearing matching heart pendants with his 4th grade girlfriend (ever so scandalous). Chris and Emma in the 1st grade are deeply in love, and they make each other cards and then beat each other up after lunch. The 6th grade is a complete cesspool of hormones and even the kindergartners have been caught holding hands.

Needless to say, love is in the air! It's quite adorable, and typically these young couples are well regarded by their classmates (whereas in elementary schools in the US, relationships are met with ridicule and rhyming songs). The crazy thing is, some of them are like really "in love" (I just said that like Daisy from "Rock of Love" BTW). I mean, I could really see some of them making it through the long haul, and in a time where even Danny Devito is getting a divorce, it's a bit refreshing to see everyone's heart-a-flutter.

Even us "adults" are finding love, as many of my friends have found themselves in relationships, or potential relationships, this month.

Perhaps it was due to our spiritual journey a few weeks back, when the Education office had the bright idea to send the motley crew of foreign teachers over to Tongdosa for a Buddhist temple retreat.

I for one was quite excited, as I have been studying Buddhism for some time now and was eager to learn more firsthand.

AND as luck would have it, the monk that was put in charge of us was a 20 something from Seattle, and was very willing and open to all of our questions.

That being said, through the chanting, meditation, 108 bows (ouch!) and formal meals, our group of delinquents were probably the most inappropriate bunch the temple as ever seen.

The fact that the first thing we talked about with the monk was how Washington recently legalized marijuana, I'm sure he soon realized that taking care of us was going to be akin to herding cats.

The boys urged the girls to try and seduce him, the girls joined the boys in a riveting game of "floor darts" (what we made up when we were supposed to have a quiet reflection time...basically you slide across the floor on meditation mats), all of us made a spectacle of ourselves during the morning mountain climb and during formal meal...

And I had to eat a fly.

During the formal meal, ALL food must be consumed. You have to eat everything you take, even using water to wash the bowls and drinking said water. Of course, as luck would have it, a fly fell into my soup. I had to quietly panic (as the whole meal was supposed to occur in silence) but I didn't know what to do. The Buddhists are vegetarians,  but also cannot leave extra food. Finally I turned to my friend Tim and showed him the dilemma in my spoon. "Eat it" he said, "You have to!"

And down the fly went.

Afterwards, we were contemplating if I had made the right choice, when my friend Anita asked the monk what the correct course of action had been. He said that I could have gone either way, but probably eating it was best, and less messy.

So ya, I ate an animal at a Buddhist temple. Oops.

All in all it was a great experience, I want to go again! But I think I will forever be too loud and obnoxious to reach complete enlightenment.

 They had us all looking sexy in the latest in Buddhist fashions.

PEACE!

Korean Winter and Avoiding Fan Death

Ahhh the first real snowfall of the season.

Today, before I had to educate my sixth grade class, we all noticed the beauty of the season's first snowfall as it gracefully glistened outside our school windows. We saw the flakes descend upon the mountain which stands directly behind my rural school. The children squealed with joy, as they all ran out after a lunch of flavored meat water soup, to gather snowballs and frolic in the wintery bliss. Such a lovely sight here in the Republic of Korea, as happy children enjoyed the weather and urged me to join them. "Teacha" they cried "snow barr pight!" I flashed back to the first snow fall when I was in Turkey and remembered how all the students and teachers giggled as we pelted each other with snowballs and laughed at the change of the seasons. I thought to recreate this moment in another country, but instead I glanced at them through the window from behind my desk, as I crouched behind a small space heater in my winter gear...

Because I was literally freezing my ass off...

You see, Koreans are very health conscious people, which is a great aspect of their society, with the exception of their viewpoints on temperature control. Walk into any Korean house in the cold, and they will be blaring their under-floor heating (exactly what it sounds like) and it's truly amazing. In the summer, the homes have full AirCon and people can rest from the sweltering heat in comfort. But the rules for school are different.

For some reason, the Korean ideas of air flow and ventilation rank higher in importance than the general well being of those contained inside of a building.

Today it is snowing, and negative 5 degrees Celsius (you can do the conversion back home) yet ALL of the windows and doors in my school are wide open. Teachers rarely put on the heat in their classrooms, and instead put one small space heater under the desk. This is particularly difficult when utilizing the lavoratory services, as every time i sit down to pee, my buttcheeks get frostbite.

Unfortunately my reluctance to urinate due to the fear of frigid porcelain, has caused me to hold it in for longer than I probably should. This, in turn, lead to a urinary tract infection. Due to a lack of communication and available medicine, this lead to a bladder infection. Due to a lack of ability to leave my bathroom or explain to a taxi driver that I needed to go the doctor, I had to be rescued my one of my Korean friends and her Mom after being stuck in my bathroom for over 3 hours. Due to miscommunications about my urinary issues, this lead to being unnecessary examined by several doctors. All of this factored into a particularly uncomfortable Wednesday  and also really adversely affected my health. Due to this uncomfortable Wednesday  I decided to overshare personal information on the interwebs and gave you readers no warning to what you would be reading about and now you all know way to much about my urinary system.

But don't blame me for this, blame Korea.

It's equally as puzzling in the summertime. The temperature outside is like a sauna, as it is very hot and humid. Yet schools are reluctant to turn on the air conditioner. Not to mention at night, there is the perpetual Korean fear of....Fan Death.

So for those of you who don't know what Fan Death is (and have not yet googled it) it is not fatalities occurred by screaming oreteens at a Justin Beiber concert. Worse...it's the idea that the majority of the country upholds, that if you sleep with a fan in your bedroom, that the fan somehow sucks up all of the good air in the room and thus causes suffocation, and in turn, death.

Note: No scientific evidence has ever backed up the credibility of Fan Death.

As mentioned before, Korea has the highest suicide rate in the world, yet this is not something often talked about. Frequently, if someone unfortunately decides to take their own life, the family, being too proud to admit it, will then blame the perils of Fan Death. Not only is this an awful way to avoid discussing a major national problem, but it also severely impacts treatment of temperature in the day to day.

So here I sit, cold, alone, and unable to pee freely. Perhaps Ebenezer Scrooge was actually an English Teacher in Korea...because if that was the case, then I completely understand his viewpoint.

Personal Space

Sorry for being a jerk in this video...I just have a lot of feelings.

Gangnam Style

So strangely enough, soon after I moved to this great nation of South Korea, an epidemic took over the world.

This disease, which began here in Korea and quickly spread internationally, is known only...as Gangnam Style.

For those of you who have been hiding under a sound-proof rock, here's the song above.

This song non-sensically touts the "badassery" of living the high life in Gangnam, the wealthy area of Seoul, but really focuses on the most assinine dance move since the hand-jive. Dubbed the "horse dance" Gangnam style has swept the world.

And here in Korea, a country that has a non-existent drug culture, Gangnam style is crack.

First of all, the one thing Koreans may love almost as much as kimchi, is choreographed dance routines. The art of the music video still reigns supreme here, and when a new k-pop song comes out, the choreography is immediately absorbed, copied, and performed en masse in clubs across the nation.

I first heard Gangnam Style during the Miryang English Camp at the end of July/ beginning of August this past summer. The students showed us the video by singer Psy, and then learned the dance for my end-of-the-week production of the hit broadway play, "Goiter Man" (It was tony-award winning, trust me). I almost blame myself for the worldwide craze, as soon after I posted the song to my Facebook profile, and seeing as how I am so popular and I have so many friends and I am so well-loved and amazing and humble....it was bound to take off.

Psy could be compared to a Weird Al Yankovic in the states. A comedic singer, he actually attended Boston University (Sucks to BU!) and Berkelee College of Music...so ya...we can partially blame the hub for all this...

Also, I found out that one time he got arrested for possession of marijuana here in Korea, and paid his way out, the equivalent of about $400,000 dollars. That's some Gangnam Style shit, yo'...represent!

His video plays on both the slapstick humor that is popular here in Korea, as well as the borderline vulgarity that we love oh-so-much back in the USA. That combined with a gimmicky dance move, toe-tapping beat, and catchy catch-phrase, this one was destined for complete airwave takeover.

But Americans, playa please, quit your complaining about the incessant overplaying of this song, because if you think it is annoying back in the states, than your head would literally explode over here.

I cannot go a day without hearing Gangnam style. It's not even like they overplay it on the radio, I'm talking they play it in the stores, the train stations, the classrooms..even just on the street.

But that isn't the worst part. Even more annoying than the song itself (which I will admit, I do have on my ipod...when in Rome!) is the fact that EVERY Korean person will come up to me and ask:

"Do you know Gangnam style?"

Oh no, I'm sorry, I am unfamiliar with the song that has turned my eardrums into Zildijian cymbals. I don't recognize that seizure-inducing beat that makes me want to kick puppies. What is that dance you are doing? It looks like you are riding on an ass? Oh it's a horse dance! My mistake, I thought people around here just enjoyed looking completely moronic. Thanks for clearing it up!

Now, at first, I was all about it, and to be honest, when I am drunk, I can Gangnam Style like no other. What is also unfortunate, is that this song will be over in approximately one month (Remember Gotye's hit "Somebody that I used to Know? Ya...neither do I) and then South Korea's 15 minutes of world-wide fame will fade into the background of the United Nations until North Korea tries to shoot off another failed bomb again.

In a sense, I feel for Korea. Gangnam style is now more than just an annoying song, it is an annoying anthem of a generation. One day this song will be nothing more than a wedding line dance, and we will be able to look back and think, "I knew this song when it was cool." I mean, think of the "Macarena." There was once a time where we all took joy in the monotony of group arm choreography, and now, our bodies just seem to automatically go through the motions at the occasional Bar Mitzvahs.

Stop the madness now. Save this song from it's eventual demise. Try and keep this chaos as a novelty. Hey...Sexy Lady....

Oppa Gangnam Style!

Oh ya...and this happened.....


http://www.happyplace.com/18380/person-gets-music-tattoo-theyll-regret-fifteen-minutes-from-now

PS-that's not me...




or is it?


PEACE
Annie G.

Coffee in Korea

Coffee is a valuable resource that seems to be lacking in both quantity and quality here in Korea.

On an unrelated note...I am learning how to use the video editor on my IPad.

Chuseok 2012: Nobody puts baby in a corner

I apologize for not updating in a while, life has been a little crazy here in the orient!

Most notably was the recent long holiday weekend known as Chuseok. From Friday, September 28th until Wednesday, October 3rd we were in full celebration mode.

Chuseok is like a Korean thanksgiving. Koreans go to the graves of their ancestors, cut the grass that has overgrown, and then go home to visit their families, overeat and then sit around playing computer games.

My holiday started on Thursday.

After work, I went to meet up with other foreigners at one of our favorite fried chicken and beer restaurants, to celebrate my dear friend Tim's birthday! Of course, this drunkenly lead us to our favorite noraebang, where we sang until about 3am....

Needless to say, this was only the beginning...

I had no classes on Friday because my students were on a field trip, so I basically spent the whole day as a zombie staring at a computer screen. After school, the teachers all went out for dinner, where my principal insisted I sit next to him, and also suggested we should buy matching outfits so he could be my boyfriend...

It was later that the fun all began. Charle and I went to Busan to meet friends for some girls birthday. Apparently, I talked with her for a good hour that night.... I wouldn't know.

On our journey to Busan we decided to create a game, based on a point system with strangers. High fives were one point each, hugs and photobombs were 5 points each, and a bum pinch was 10.

After bum pinching about 5 strangers on the subway (which we got on in the wrong direction) we were waiting for our connecting train when a waltz came on the loudspeakers. We dramatically danced around the platform, specifically circling an innocent Korean couple. Soon we realized, amidst our twirling, that this couple was apparently breaking up, hence the heaving sobs coming from the girl and the look if apathy on the guy's face. We escaped that scene, and I began flexing my new muscles in the reflection of the glass on the platform (I've been working out).

Soon a semicircle of old people cheered me on as I flexed, and I told them I could beat up anyone on that platform.

Finally we made it to our destination, and the party began. We ended up at rock and roll bar, and the song from Dirty Dancing came on, which of course, spawned the catch phrase of the weekend, "nobody puts baby in a corner." As luck would have it, I was put in a corner about 3 times, but we won't get into that....

At about 5 am, we stumbled home. At about 4pm the following day, I had the strength to get off the bathroom floor and leave the house. I vowed that night would be different, that I would go to bed at a decent hour and not do anything inappropriate to try and score points...

18 bum pinches, 36 high fives, 20 hugs, 3 photobombs, and a bottle of Soju later, we were 3 hours deep into an intense noraebang night. I had won all the points for the night, because I had fed a girl kimchi on the street, so I was basking in my glory. You see, all the college students return home for chuseok weekend, so while Miryang is normally a ghost town, this particular weekend it was as busy as the Vegas strip. The noraebang was FULL, and we even found two girls passed out in a room, microphones still in hand. It was beautiful.

The following night we decided to go to Daegu. Now, from all the noraebanging the night before, my voice was really husky. We laughed at my mannish voice as we prepared for our night out. As I dressed in my normal outrageous fashion, I laughed to myself that I resembled a drag queen. What a silly notion! We laughed all the way to Daegu as I joked about stuffing my pants and telling everyone I was actually born "Andy."

We arrived at a party at a bar called Bunnies, that Robert (the man the myth and the legend) recently did some artwork for.

Robert is one of the funniest people I have met. He has exceeded everyone's expectations with regards to wit, and height. Originally from Texas, he has the swagger of an astronaut and the knowledge of a retired police officer. His virtual presence is unrivaled, and we first made our official acquaintance at a barbecue honoring South Africa. He sat and listened to me recount stories from yesteryear, and laugh at the silliness of this life that we live. Little did I know, his omnipresent personality already knew more about me than I could imagine. I really hope he is reading this right now.

My friend Terisha invited her friends from the Army out to meet us, and during the longest Beirut game of my life...I notice an older Korean man observing our game. I spoke aloud, remarking about a recent play. The Korean man turned to me, looked me quizzically in the eye, and asked....


"Lady?"

It took me a second to realize that he was asking about my gender, and not about the delicate way I am always acting. I just turned around and said, "Who brought this guy?" And continuously expressed my hatred for him for the remainder of the game.

The army boys turned to us at the end of the game and suggested we all go to the local casino for floor drinks and blackjack. Anyone who knows me, understands my love of midnight Foxwoods trips and roulette, so naturally us ladies obliged. We made our way threw the smoky throngs of Phillipinos to the roulette table, where I lost 15 bucks in short order. We then decided, being 3am and all, it was a wise idea to play drinking games until 630 am. Another sleepless night.

The following night was another late night Miryang BBQ, which got me to bed at around 4am again. In the afternoon on Tuesday we decided to have another quiet, adult like visit to Daegu. Ingrid, Rich, Kef and myself journeyed to the city to meet up with Terisha. We did a little bit of shopping and decided to make our way to Travelers, the only place where you can get good burger in Daegu. As we walked in, we saw our friends Tim and Jitesh, and also met up with some other long lost buddies that seemed to all migrate tot travelers that evening, as if fate was bringing us all together to party. Around midnight, we decided to be wise and take the earlier train home (the last night train from Daegu leaves at 2:30 am) and call it a night.

Now, maybe it was my off-kilter body clock, or maybe it was the bright lights of Daegu, but I was in no mood to turn in yet, so I convinced Kef to stay out, and madness ensued.

At 7am, as we waited for the early train home, we dazed in and out of consciousness as we remarked about the previous hours when we got adopted by a group of Korean students, were invited for unlimited Jack Daniels at another groups table, got into numerous gangnam style dance-offs, and even got invited to a Korean wedding.

Personally my favorite character of the night was a little drunk Korean girl named Sook Jee, who loved me so much that she physically cried upon my departure.

All in all, Chuseok was an overwhelming success, even though I was ready to get back to work, purely to save what was left of my liver for a few hours.

Taiwanna vacation!!

Geez, it's been a while since my golden shower in Goeje...A bit of an overdue post, but let me bring you all up to speed!!

For my summer break, I took a hop skip and a jump over to the lovely island of Taiwan. Accompanied by my dangerously tall South African neighbor Greg, we knew it would be a miracle if we made it out alive.

We started our trip in Hualien on the East coast. After a day of exploration we decided to do what any educated, responsible traveller would do....find a bar.

After wandering around aimlessly for an hour, we happened upon "All Star Pub."

Approximately 6 hours into a new country, and the G came out.

The All Star Pub had a traditional band playing the stage that night, they were good to begin with, but after several tequila sunrises, they went from OK to FANTASTIC. After they finished their set, the stage was opened up to Kareoke....

Well, after getting the entire bar up and dancing to "I will survive", I got free jäger shots and was asked by other patrons to be the chosen back up dancer for various other performances. This was followed the next night by befriending a German man who lives in Taiwan with his wife. Him and I discussed Travelling, europe, and life, and when asked about other places he experienced during his time in Asia he responded..."I don't go many places around here....I don't like Asians."

Then, to Taipei we went to meet up with our darling friend Ingrid. We spent the time in Taipei at the typical tourist attractions: Taipei 101 Tower, Hot springs, snake alley...etc.

Amidst all the sightseeing, I decided there was one thing left for me to do.

Street Tattoo.

We went to Shilin Night Market, which is a big open air market where you can buy anything from stinky tofu to rolex watches. Now, though I have never gotten a tattoo before, I had been thinking about this particular idea for some time now. I walked past a street tattoo parlor and thought to myself, this is the place to go.

I showed up the next day and met up with Fong (don't worry, him and I are facebook friends now) and told him I wanted a lotus flower on my ankle. I bravely sat down and clenched my teeth, as Fong assured me "Don't worry, you are my woman." I was still unsure of what that meant when the tattoo began.

Barring any hepatitis, it was a great vacation. The food was delicious, the people were fun, and we had a splendid time! Until we had to get back on a plane to the land of the Kimchi.....

A pee filled weekend...

Camping! Such a fine idea! Such a nice idea! An idea for some whole hearted foreign fun!

Or so we thought....

The plan was to go to Goeje, an island off the coast of Busan, and spend the weekend swimming, sunning and sleeping in tents. A group of about 20 foreigners showed up, mostly on Saturday, but myself, Rich, Charle and a few others showed up on Friday to start early.

The trip from Miryang to Goeje is about 2 hours...

So 6 hours and half a bottle of whiskey later we arrived.

After a successful scavenge for firewood, AJ and I set off to build the firepit and create the nest egg that would be our home for the rest of the weekend. Friday was a low key night, as we all sat around the fire and prepared for the inevitable shenanigans of the next day.

By the time we crashed it was about 5am. I slid into my little tent ready for some quality shut eye. At approximately 7am I awoke in a pool of my own sweat..as the tents quickly became our own personal saunas. I pulled out a pillow and a towel and slept on the beach for another couple hours, then awoke and ran immediately into the ocean where the others had already found refuge.

The water was crystal clear, and luckily for us, all the fully covered beach Koreans and their umbrellas were down at the far end of the beach, giving us the place to ourselves (minus some Russians who came out of nowhere).

In the distance, probably about a mile offshore, existed an island. We decided to name this Waygook Island and made it a personal mission to conquer the territory by days end.

As a group, we found that our scavenging skills were particularly astute on this day, as we found an assortment of floats, goggles, and other beach accessories that would be crucial to storming the beaches at Waygook island.

Now before I continue, it's important to note that Koreans are not the most adept swimmers. Perhaps it's because they are weighed down by clothing, as they swim fully clothed to avoid the sun.

As if by telepathic genius, we all simultaneously began our swim out.

2 people had paddled out ahead on a raft we found near the bathrooms, whereas myself and a couple others decided to go at it Micheal Phelps style on our own. We had made it about a kilometer out, when we started to here the whistles. Now Korean lifeguards will blow the whistle if the water is merely at your waistline...so at this point they were in full freakout mode. A few immediately turned back in, but myself and a few others continued the quest in spite of him.

Finally, after 10 minutes of whistle blowing and watching him dive in and chase us with his red buoy, team Phelps decided to turn in. The flotation crew were still going full speed ahead, and now were over halfway to the destination.

And as luck would have it...the lifeguard reached me first.

"WHATEVER!" he said to me, a face full of pure anger.

This was not the correct greeting for someone in the middle of the ocean.

"Whatever what man? Don't worry about us, we are ok."- Annie

"Not ok! Dangerous!"-anger guard

"Nah man, we are good swimmers! We are fine!"- Gold medalist in guard dodging

"I call coast guard on you!"-pure rage

"That seems a bit excessive"-Waygook jerk

He gestured to the flotation crew asking if they were my friends, and telling me they cannot swim out there. At this point I responded that there was not much I could do about that unless he wanted me to swim after him.

At this point I felt there was nothing much left for him and I to discuss so I swam ashore. Later, the flotation crew would also come ashore, except this time they would be in speed boats accompanied by angry covered Koreans. They made it to the island but told us it was covered in trash and jagged rocks.

The day progressed with many giggles, laughs, and even a few guffaws. Everyone was getting along great, I even learned how to play cricket! But then...disaster struck.

We had been playing water frisbee. I missed the one thrown to me, and I went to swim after it, afraid that it would float away otherwise (a mistake I had made earlier in the day with a beach ball...I screamed "Wilson" as it floated out of reach). I focused on the frisbee, began to swim after it, and it was just out of reach when AHHHH. My whole arm felt like it was on fire and simultaneously being pricked with a thousand death pins. I had swam right through the tentacles of a jellyfish.

Now back home, I have been stung on more than one occasion, and never has the pain or discomfort lasted more than 10 minutes or so. Even earlier that day, on my journey to Waygook island, I had felt a sting on my knee, but it disappeared rather quickly.

I jumped out of the water to see my arm rapidly swelling up. I could see where the jellyfish stung my flesh, as it was white and bubbly. I have a fairly high pain tolerance, but this was not subsiding and was spreading to the entirety of my left arm.

Joel, a guy who was also in the frisbee game, had been stung years ago and jumped into action. He helped take me to the lifeguard stand, where he said they would likely have ammonia to neutralize the burn.

Well the lifeguards had no such thing, but I sat there with ice as Joel and I laughed at anger guard as he sat there stewing at us. The guards insisted that I go to the hospital, to which I replied "aniyo, Soju joseyo." translation "no, I want to drink." They finally understood that a hospital trip would really disrupt the long night of drinking I had planned ahead, they let me go, saying if I became nauseous or felt dizzy to immediately seek help.

The only problem was the ice did nothing for the pain, and as I walked back to base camp, I remembered hearing about an alternative way to neutralize the sting....

"Hey....does anyone need to pee?!"

Now if you had told me that morning, that I would be getting pissed on, I would have laughed and thought, oh what a silly thing to say! How silly! What a silly thing!

But there I was, arm burning an swollen, with my friend Charle and y new friend Chris (we bonded quickly) preparing for the first Golden Shower of my life. We were outside the bathhouse, amidst the stares of the Koreans (only their eyes were uncovered) preparing for the urine bath I was about to endure. Charle, beig a female, took the courtesy to pee into a coke bottle ahead of time, and we poured the 98.6 degree liquid over the top of the sting. Because the tentacle had wrapped all around my arm, and because I was trying to limit the amount of excess body juice that would be getting all over the rest of my body, Chris was crucial in aiming for the underarm. I stood up, with my arm fully outstretched, my eyes closed, and ready for the taking. Chris had no stage fright, and soon my sting was fully covered in urine. Fortunately and unfortunately, both friends had been evidently dehydrated that day, so the antidote was pungent and concentrated.

Nonetheless the golden shower did help the sting a bit, and mostly made for a good story. The rest of the night went off fairly smoothly: drinking, night swimming, cooking on the fire, playing guitar, and vowing that I would seek revenge on the jellyfish who did this to me. I will find you one day you little blobby jerk...and when I do, I will pee all over you and your jelly family.

The next morning we awoke in our saunas, hungover, shamed and dirty, and prepared to pack up for our journey home. I was in desperate need for a shower (fear not, I did wash the pee off my arm after the sprinkling incident). We bid everyone adieu, and drive-of-shamed it back to Miryang. We were tired, salty, tan, smelly, and still a little drunk, but mostly happy that we were probably the strangest group of people the covered Koreans have ever witnessed in their heavily visored lives.

English Camp

Poor little Korean Kids.

Shortly after my arrival in this fine country, I had a bit of a crash course in the life of a Korean student. Being a teacher, I felt it necessary to understand the ins and outs of the education system here, but was a bit surprised at what I found out....

The first shocking fact came within my first week. It was here, in my class, that I found out that corporal punishment is still alive and well in the classrooms of Korea. If a student is acting out, it is perfectly acceptable, nay encouraged, to smack him or her in the back or face. Occasionally, students receive a swift kick to the side, or the friendlier pinch on the neck. Sometimes it is a more lighthearted slap, other times it is a beating that leaves the kid in tears. I have seen teachers even reward the good students by letting them stand up and smack around the bad student.

Needless to say, this was a bit of a shock at first, but what is arguably more shocking is how quickly I became unphased by such actions. In fact, I didn't even think about it until the other night when I was on the phone with Debbie and explained to he these classroom activities. "Ya Kiddin me Annieeee" she exclaimed in her Tauntonesque accent, "isn't that a little hahhhrsh?"

Well yes ma, it is, but to be honest, it is the least of a Korean students worries.

When it comes to physical abuse in Korea, well that's a whole other post entirely. But when it comes to educational abuse (for lack of a better term) quite frankly, being a Korean student suuuuccckkksss.

When researching a teaching opportunity in Korea, you are faced with two main options, public or private. I work for the public schools, so technically I am a Korean government employee with all the benefits and protections clearly stated in my contract. Private gigs, at places called "hagwons" tend to have a bad rap by being a bit shadier, because they are businesses and tend to be a bit more labor intensive.

You see, the average Korean student goes to school from 8:30 am to 2:30 pm every day. Then, they go immediately to hagwons for further instruction, often coming home past 10pm. Basically, a Korean kid is studying from 8:30 to 10 everyday, and typically when they finish, they go home, do homework (or play computer games, but more on that another day) and go to sleep.

The education system here is broken into trimesters. The first trimester begins around May. The kids receive summer "break" for about a month in August, then they begin again end of August/ early September. There are log holiday weekends sprinkled throughout the year, then they get winter break for December or January, come back for a couple weeks, another break, then may semester begins.

However, their breaks are merely a facade, as often they continue to go to hagwons daily...or they are forced to go to...dun dun dun...English camp.

English camp is a week of in-classroom activity that is supposed to be an intensive language acquisition program...which it rarely is. The native English teachers are fully in charge and have to develop the lessons..which usually involve games, movies and minimal educational absorption.

This break, I have a total of 3 weeks of English camp. I just completed the camp for the city office of education, and now I have two weeks of camp for my school (which has basically been me babysitting the one or two kids who show up).

For the Education office camp, all the foreigners here in Miryang (there's about 16 of us) got together for a week of enriching the minds of the Asian youth. We all paired up and chose both a topic, and a 7- minute "play" that our students would be performing in a grand closing ceremony.

Naturally I chose the hit theatrical production titled "goiter man" for our young thespians. If you are wondering what goiter man is about...just think about the title..it will lead your way.

Anyways, our topic was culture, and I basically just spent time telling the kids about American and Italian food and played a game. The week was boiling hot, so I taught all students to say "It's wicked hot out heaaaaahhh." My class was very cute, and though it was a week, we all created a solid bond and they told me they would miss me. ::tear:: I even got a few hugs out of the deal!

At one point, Greg and I told the students that we were married and had 2 children named Shadynasty and Ezekiel. The students were shocked beyond belief, and fell for our charade hook line and sinker.

The last day, the goiters were ready, we had painted our faces, and our little play went off without a hitch..except for all the hitches that went off. But all in all the kids had a great week.

What made me sad though, was that a lot of these children were having fun for the first time in a long time within a classroom environment. Because this camp was for the most gifted of the students, most of them spend their days in schools and hagwons, trying to constantly appease their parents dissatisfaction. Some of them don't get hugs on a daily basis, and don't even get a "good job" or a paper on the refrigerator from their parents. This causes two interesting things about Korean students, 1) spontaneous crying and 2) the highest suicide rate in the world.

To elaborate on the first point, every day I have a cryer. Usually it is about something ridiculously stupid. Now, when the little 3rd graders start crying, I try and comfort them a little bit. But when the 6th grade boys are having a sobfest, I just tell them to walk it off. So let's look at the English Camp, at one point, a bunch of girls were accusing a boy about having many girlfriends. He got embarrassed and stormed out of the class. I gave him a minute or two, and went to go find him crying on the staircase. I sat next to him and asked "Tom*  What is wrong?" To which he explained the situation about the girlfriends and he had a best friend who was a girl but they were not in love. I explained to him how the girls in the class probably had a huge crush on him, and how next time they say things like that, for him to respond "Of course I have ton's of girlfriends, I am awesome!" I gave him candy, patted him on the back, and sent him back into the classroom. Problem Solved.

But onto the bigger problem. Because of the insane amount of stress put on these students, there are constantly reports about preteens and teenagers committing suicide. During test days, they have extra street guards out just to make sure kids don't jump in front of cars. A lot of them decide that they just can't take the pressure anymore and try and end their lives. It's insanely sad, but what is also sad is the fact that Koreans don't change their ways to better the system and decrease the suicide rate. Reduce Hagwon time, or allow for more time off during vacation. Do not put such pressure on standardized tests, or try and praise a student for doing a good job. I know this is all radical and crazy sounding, but sometimes Koreans lack that type of problem solving ability.

Anyways, I have about a week left of my school's English camp. Yesterday I had the students all dancing the electric slide and the cotton-eyed joe around the classroom because we had a lesson in line dancing, because screw learning, it's camp time!

Things Koreans Like Part 1.

So in another series of postings, I will be investigating some of the various like of the general Korean populus. The list is long, and continues to grow, but I will be updating throughout my journey here in the Far East.

1) Kimchi.

For those of you unaware of Kimchi, it could also be known as the national pride of Korea. It is eaten at every meal, and constantly praised for its miraculous health benefits. Now for those of you unaware of what Kimchi actually is...it is fermented cabbage mixed with spices. It tastes like a soggy, spicy piece of garlic, and causes your breath to smell like the seventh layer of hell. One would think it would be easy to avoid such a food, but they want to shove it down your throat like its going out of style. They love to talk about all the good bacteria in it, and how it cures all these diseases and stuff. All I know, is that it is seriously reeking havoc on my breath. 


2) Driving like idiots.

I have LITERALLY seen someone driving full speed on the wrong side of the road here. They have no sense of right of way, they use their horns randomly and inappropriately, they ride the brakes, and stop for no reason. They will pull a u-turn in the middle of the street into oncoming traffic. They will ride with a family of 4 on a moped, with no helmets...I have seen a man driving a scooter while holding a baby...all helmet-less. I have thought my life would end in a taxi cab in numerous occasions now. There is no stopping for pedestrians at walkways, or stopping at red lights even. And when they do stop, they ALWAYS put the car in park and put the ebrake up. They always back into parking spaces. It is so bizarre. So the stereotypes about Asian drivers...they are ALL true.

3) Angry Birds and Hello Kitty.

There is a straight up OBSESSION with Angry Birds and Hello Kitty. Now, I was expecting the Hello Kitty...this being Asia and all... but the Angry Birds caught me for surprise. As far as copyright infringement goes...that's a whole other topic...but all I know is that the little birds and pigs are on EVERYTHING...socks, bags, clothes, bus cards, food, commercials...everything.

3) Relationships.

Relationships in Korea are the worst. I mean the worst. First off, the society is not focused around "sexiness" like the west is. In the west, Sexy sells...and people try and appear sexier to attract the opposite sex. Nay, Korea is the land of the Cute. Cute is what gets people going. Hair bows, soft giggling, headbands, t-shirts with puppies on it. And one of the cutest things a couple can do.....matching outfits. I kid you not, couplewear is all the rage here. the first time I saw it, I assumed it was accidental. It's not. It is on purpose. They wear matching outfits. Everyday. Down to the shoes. It's sickening.

4) Nonsensical T-Shirts

The current "in" style here in Korea is T-shirts with English phrases on it. This would be fine....if they could understand what they are wearing. I guess it all started my first weekend here, I was waiting outside the train station in Busan when I saw a young teenage girl with a t-shirt that said "Free Mustache Rides." The poor girl must have felt uncomfortable as I stood and laughed at her. Some other gems have been a teacher with a shirt reading "Bitch, Please" and the various "Boston Massachubatts" shirts I seem to see everywhere.

5) Spam

I am not talking about junk emails here. I mean spam, as in the mystery meat in the can. For a health-obsessed nation, this particular product seems a bit out of place. They love it tho. It's in everything, it is sold everywhere. They have Spam Gift packs for crying out sakes! I was told that during the Korean War, Korean people would eat rations sent in for the American Troops, thus introducing and injecting spam into local Korean dishes. They chow down on spam like its a filet mignon, and I don't have the heart to tell them that it is the official delicacy of trailer parks across the nation.

Keep an eye out for more to come.

Mudfest

This weekend was an event known only as "Mudfest."

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, what exactly is mudfest? Well, if you are one of those people, slap yourself in the face. Mudfest is exactly what you think it is, exactly what it sounds like....a festival of mud.

Now mudfest is in Boryeong, which is a bit of a hike from Milyang, and Ingrid, Charle and I were slated to go there with a crew from Goechang. On Friday evening, the pilgrimage began.

First we were to take the train to Daegu. There we had a single mission to retrieve my lost camera (gotta love Korean honesty) which was at a bar I got properly wasted at a few weeks back. Camera in hand, it was time to take the bus to Goechang for the night.

Now because we had to wake up early for the 3 hour ride to Boryeong in the morning we figured we would take it easy Friday. 3 Soju cocktails and one in the morning later, Charle and I were snuggled up for approximately 4 hours of sleep (I was little spoon).

Bright and early we rose, got on the bus, and arrived at our "hotel", or rather, the floor space we would call our beds later, at around 10:00 am. We promptly donned our matching red t-shirts, gave each other marker tattoos, and took jäger shots.

By noon we were all quite tipsy.

I had befriended some Phillipinos in the window of a chicken restaurant, and was trying to play matchmaker with some of my friends. However, in our marker tattooing brilliance, we decided to get each others phone numbers painted on our arm ("in case we get lost!") the rest of the day involved many phone calls from mysterious strangers all asking for the wrong people.

Then we made our way to the beach, promptly jumped in the ocean, took a picture with a Korean guy dressed as a cow, and moved towards the mud.

The scene at mudfest was something out of Woodstock. People were rolling around in mud pits, smearing mud all over each other, and then jumping in the ocean and cleaning it off to do it all over again. I was cornering the beach ball market by using my superior dart skills to win prizes, use the prizes to make friends, and watch as both friends and prizes disappeared into the muddy unknown.

I found myself as the ringleader of a group of Army men that I convinced to not only play beach volleyball with me, but to buy my bag cocktails for the rest of the day. We created a mega group: the Goechang crew, the Milyang Ladies, the Army men, and other various stragglers along the way.

After an afternoon of debauchery, we decided to get food. We went to a restaurant, and as we often do, pointed to several pictures of food that looks appetizing. We got a plate of what appeared to be shellfish of sorts, mixed with peppers and onions. I tried to eat a few of these but they were just too chewy and tough.

That's when my friend Oliver, as if on cue, entered the restaurant. He is much more well versed in the ways of Korean dining than I, and he looked at the dish with much skepticism. It was then he proclaimed in his New Zealand accent, "I think that's a plate of chicken assholes mate." We giggled at the sillyness until we called the waitress over, pointed to the plate and to our bums, and she confirmed our fears.

We had eaten sphincters.

We left the restaurant in shame, now determined to make it to a bar. After much searching, we found everyplace was way overpriced, and it had started to rain.

The obvious solution was to buy bag cocktails, beers and fireworks and head down to the beach. On our walk over, a fireworks display had erupted, and cheers of Amurica poured out as the migukins sang the national anthem. Amidst this I got hit by a stray coconut....but somethings just cant be explained.

The great thing about mudfest (besides the free coconut) was that there were literally thousands of people there, but it was like we only kept seeing the same 3 groups. In fact, if someone went missing or strayed, all you had to do was will them into existence and they would magically appear. The night was filled with rain street dancing, winning stuffed animals, and other antics, until I decided to call it a nice and crawled back to then"hotel" to curl up in the fetal position, soaked from head to toe, asleep on a hard wood floor.

Now it's important to note, at the beginning of the day I looked great, like Charlize Theron at a red carpet affair. By the end of the day, I looked like her oscar winning performance in "monster". I'm telling you, homegirl looked beat. But it didn't matter, because at mudfest, none of that matters. All that matters is the rain, the mud, the Phillipinos and the beach balls that i lost to a ravenous muddy crowd. Oh ya....and Amurrica.